Persuasive Techniques and Relationships Part Two

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In part one of this mini series we saw Rina’s email about the scripts she has thought through to use on her husband. In this post we will look at some of those scripts to see how well they work.

Using NLP Language Patterns in a Relationship

All of the short language pattern bits Rina has written work really well, so we are going to look at some of the longer scripts she has worked out and see what we can do with them.

Rapport, Pacing and Leading with Language

Here is one of Rina’s patterns:

We didn’t clean up, but we ate, did homework, took bath and are eager to play with you, and how good are you going to feel to play clean up with us?

Notice how she states the problem then uses a “but” to delete it and look at the good and follows up with a question that leads to thinking about the future and feeling good about it. This is excellent work.

Now here is how you can make it work even better. We could pace the situation more strongly at the beginning. This would make leading him easier. Here is how I would do it:

You are home, you are upset and we haven’t cleaned up…but we have eaten, done our homework, taken a bath and are now eager to play with you…

One the Persuasion Skills Black Book Master Training Programme you will learn how to use three pacing and leading statements and deletion statements to move the conversation to where you want it to go.

We also know that the husband wants to relax when he comes home, so we can use that as a driver to help the flow of the conversation. Here is how it would look:

You are home, upset and we haven’t cleaned up…but we have eaten, done the homework taken a bath and are now eager to help you relax and play together…

NLP Questions to Set Direction

Rina asked a great question at the end of the statement to set a train of thought and it works well. An alternative might be to ask a comparison question that is also a double bind.

For those of you that are not NLP Jargon Junkies a double bind is just a question with an either or option that both lead to where you want the person to go. An example would be do you want to buy a white or a black one? This questions leaves out the possibility of any other colour or not buying at all.

In Rina’s context the question I might ask would be:

Would you relax more by having a wash before or just by coming and playing with us now?

This question presupposes that he will relax and it also excludes the option of not playing.

So to finish here are Rina’s original statement and a new version based on our discussions above so you can compare them:

 We didn’t clean up, but we ate, did homework, took bath and are eager to play with you, and how good are you going to feel to play clean up with us?

You are home, upset and we haven’t cleaned up…but we have eaten, done the homework taken a bath and are now eager to help you relax and play together… Would you relax more by having a wash before or just by coming and playing with us now?

On the Persuasion Skills Black Book Master Training Programme you will not only learn how to create great patterns like Rina’s but also how to analyse them and continually improve how you are developing your persuasive techniques.

One Comment on “Persuasive Techniques and Relationships Part Two”

  1. How to hypnotize someone

    Good example there of NLP in practice. People question whether using NLP methods in the home is strictly ‘ethical’ but it’s important to emphasize that you’re not forcing your loved ones to do anything, you are simply taking action to make sure that your home life is enjoyable for everyone.
    I’ll check out the Persuasion Skills Black Book.

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