There is much hype and BS delivered around rapport. Josh, a long term APP graduate has noticed that I have trained several seemingly different processes for rapport and has questioned me about it.
The Rapport Process Deconstructed
This is my opportunity to let you know what is really going on and how you can easily develop the skills to become an automatic Rapport Monster.
Caught; Bang to Rights
Here is the email Josh sent me:From: Josh Sent: 18:07 on the 7th To: Rintu Subject: Re: APP Lesson 21
Josh here. How is everything?
Wanted to tell you I started going through the course again as a refresher and am amazed how many more nuances I am picking up now. Now that I have allowed the material to integrate for a while. Really unbelievable! I am as excited to go through it again as I was originally!
I see on the site that apparently you added material to the course, should I redownload all the lessons to get it?
And also not to beat a dead horse, but I was going through the rapport segment (again) and still cannot nail down something. Sometimes it sounds like you look out through your “targets” eyes and just notice what it feels like. While other times it seems you try to work out the person’s values and beliefs based on their physiology which you are trying on.
I know you say I am getting to detail obsessed but if you can humor me on this one that would be great!
I teach about six different rapport processes of which I openly discuss about three and I rarely use any sort of rapport process for myself. The only times I really think about rapport is when I find that it is not working or I occasionally when I am after a particular result.
Before I explain why let us discuss a definition of rapport. My definition of rapport is a process to increase the responsiveness of your subject. I like using this rather than more traditional definitions because it highlights some of the key issues with rapport.
First and most importantly it is a process. This means it can change throughout the exchange. Secondly it is about increasing the responsiveness of your subject. Have you ever seen two people in the middle of an intense argument? Notice how they match and mirror each other closely this is a unique type of rapport and does involve a huge amount of non-verbal responsiveness. Looking at rapport in this sort of fashion gives us a lot more flexibility in how we approach rapport building.
Common Forms of Rapport
Often when dealing with people on an individual level rapport is about making people feel respected, listened to and important. When you have circumstance like this then having a process where you actively demonstrate respect, listening and empathy is the approach that will work the best.
When you have an agenda or outcome then your rapport process needs to include some method of not just pacing the other person but also leading them. Depending on the circumstances you might want a process that starts by pacing their current situation and then you start to lead them. Alternatively you might want to interrupt their current pattern to drop them into a rapport trance of your making. Another approach might be to assume that you have rapport and get the subject to pace you. Each of these is a valid approach dependant on the circumstances.
Demonstrating Different Rapport Processes
If we were to discuss groups then each of the approaches detailed above can be adapted to work. In the last article I used a pattern interrupt to drop a load of Police Officers into a trance that meant, for a while at least, I could get them to do some really bizarre things. Using Rapport to get Police Officers to follow you commands.
Here is an article:
- About using charisma patterns with a group to lead them to heightened emotions.
- Where I deconstruct open loops and anticipation frames as a method of generating rapport in written format
- That demonstrates using unconscious non-verbal signals (for NLP Jargon Junkies, an Unconscious Hello) to generate instant rapport
- Deconstructing one of the rapport processes Josh talks about in his email – 360 degree expanded awarness
How to Become a Rapport Monster
Remember at the beginning of this article I said I rarely concentrate on rapport at all. This is because I have spent time making the process automatic. Here is how you can do the same.
In my response to Josh I suggested that he might spend a day with one rapport process and just focus on using that. The next day he chooses another process and focuses on that for the day. After spending a few days on different rapport processes you will notice a difference in your overall rapport skills.
You will start to notice that you build rapport in a more fluid and dynamic way that transcends a mere set of process instructions. You might also find that that rapport becomes automatic so the more you focus on it the less you need to focus on it. Until it becomes completely automatic.
The reason Josh is noticing more in the programme the second time around is because a lot of the material in the course is delivered unconsciously as well as consciously. As a result the first time around Josh only picked up on the conscious parts of the programme. The second time and third times, because his skills are so much more refined you will pick up all the nuances, covert demonstrations and unconscious integration patterns that I have put into this course.
Advanced Persuasion Patterns is one of the more powerful hypnotic persuasion courses on the internet because the course is structured on three levels:
- Delivering content that you can use straight away
- Demonstrating all the techniques both consciously and unconsciously
- Structuring the course to install patterns on an unconscious level
Obviously the more times you go through the programme the more you will uncover how these unconscious installations work and thereby increasing your understanding and application even further as you go. You can find out more here.