I’ve just been sent an email from a trainee life coach who has had a dramatic personal breakthrough by just using a simple technique. This article uses that email as the foundation to give you a flexible and powerful personal development tool you can use with yourself and others.
A Self Coaching Formula Designed to Blow Out Problems and Move You Forward
If you have been on my list for any length of time you will have heard me banging on about preframes. This is because they are just about the most important factor in persuasion. But let me extend that frame for a moment and suggest that the person you think you are is based on the meaning you place on the experiences you have had in life.
Let me take that a little further and suggest this is a route to making serious changes for yourself in a way that affirmations don’t. An affirmation is something you would like to achieve but stated specifically in the present tense with feeling.
So if the goal is to for example lose weight you might say something like; “I am 20 pound lighter and feel wonderfully fit and healthy with my new weight.” The trouble with this statement is that if it isn’t true yet then on an unconscious level your mind will just be saying, “No you are not.” Affirmations then just become a war of attrition as you brow beat your unconscious mind to more towards your desired outcomes.
True any creative visualisation of a goal is better than nothing but if you are going to say something repeatedly to yourself then why not make it something truthful that moves you forward. To my mind you could use a pattern straight out of the Persuasion Skills Black Book that acknowledges where you are at the moment displaces the resistance and adds some positive emotion about moving forward.
Here is the example based on the scenario of losing weight.
“I accept that I am not yet at my ideal weight and the issue is not about having to be 20 pounds lighter right now but about how much fun I can have getting there. What exercise can I do today that will be fun and will move me towards my goals?”
There are lots of different ways you can reconstruct patterns to suit your purpose but the crux of this sort of pattern is acknowledging where you are now, bypassing the bad feeling about that to refocus on feeling good about moving forward.
Everyone I know that has tried this consistently has come up with some fantastic results. Here is the example I received a couple of days ago that completely blew me away.
I’m in the process of reading your amazing book which I have literally started 2 days ago (I’m currently training a life coach and really wanted to find out more about NLP) and I wanted to thank you for this amazing breakthrough I just had in the way I have been feeling about my wedding day.
My dad passed away just before our wedding and looking back now I can tell it really was an horrific time, not only for me but also for my soon husband to be. Never the less, we decided to go ahead with the wedding, and while my husband’s lighthearted attitude towards life (and booze!!) got him through the day, I really hated every single person and thing (yes even my own husband!!) about it.
This was 3 years ago.
Since then I have been feeling so guilty for my anger and pain, I felt like I had let myself and my husband down not being able to enjoy our day together (or at least enjoy a couple of drinks or 2 together…)
And so after reading the first 2 chapters of your book, this is what I have come up with:
“I agree our wedding day didn’t go accordingly to plan and I couldn’t enjoy the day; the issue is not how disappointed I have felt but how great our marriage turned out to be and how empowering every day has been since then”
I feel like I have just shed 300 stone…I know it’s rather cheesy, but I really wanted to thank you as I’ve managed to really look at this burden under a whole new light within 2 seconds! Most of all, it really reminded of how blessed I have been and how life always moves in very mysterious ways so we can learn and evolve!
My best to you,
Let me let you in to a little secret
This doesn’t always work straight away. There is some secret sauce that you can add that completely supercharges this concept. I will give you that whole concept in the next article. This pattern alone is such a great idea that I don’t want to mix it with another idea. As huge as this other idea is it will only detract from this article. So we can come back to how to sweep out the blocks and accelerate the progress of this simple pattern once you have fully digested and tried this one out.
Trancey Coaching Conversations
This pattern is not the only fast change coaching concept that I use. I have a number of these that you can use for yourself or for others that work in different situations from overt to covert. You can have them all explained and watch me demonstrate them on my new video course. Click through and find out more here: