Create Your Own Language Patterns

Rintu BasuConversational Hypnosis, Modelling17 Comments

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This article is about one way that I create new language patterns and how you can do the same.

Naturally Occurring Patterns

A lot of patterns have come about just through observation. A whole set of very famous patterns called slight of mouth supposedly came about from modelling the language Richard Bandler uses in an argument. From this came sixteen powerful patterns that they have called Sleight of Mouth.

My Process

Every now and again an idea or a pattern will pop in to my head and I will just start playing with it to see what happens. As you play with them you get to notice the impact they have and how you can use them until you get to the point where you can instinctively use the pattern without realising that you are doing it. Here is a recent personal example.

Families and How to Survive Them

My mother has recently had a shoulder operation. My parents have needed a little bit of support whilst she recovers. So I have been living with them for a few days to help them out.

I don’t think parents believe that you grow beyond about the age of thirteen. So living in my parents’ house trying to look after them has often been a little fraught. It seems as if we have to discuss everything fully to get to any decision.

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This is at its worst with planning meals. Both my parents were great cooks in their time, both are control freaks around the kitchen and neither of them believe I have any cooking skills (I hadn’t when I was thirteen and I think that is how they remember me). The net result is almost every day we have to discuss what to cook, how to cook it and a risk assessment of things like using sharp knives or turning the cooker on unsupervised.

I noticed that for clarity at the end of these long, frustrating and confusing discussions I would summarise what we had decided. What I noticed was that I was using a particularly phrase. At the end of any discussion I would say, “So that’s settled then, what we will do is…”

Pushing the Boundaries

I noticed that both my parents were more compliant at this point of the conversation. Just to see if I could get away with it I started adding things, changing the terms of the agreement and even occasionally putting in the direct opposite of what we had agreed.

Most of the time my parents would just accept my summary. Occasionally they would query what I said and then agree anyway. But in every case I got home my version of the summary.

The Birth of a Pattern

The thought that went through my head is that my parents are anchored to agreeing with whatever comes after the phrase, “So that’s settled then…”

I would love to say that I created that anchor but the reality is I have no idea how it happened. I’ve just noticed it and have found a great way of taking advantage of it. To test my theory I sat them down to discuss what we would eat for the next day.

If we were running true to form this would have been a half hour discussion but instead I started the conversation with my magic phrase, “So that’s settled then tomorrow I will cook… “ To my amazement they both just blindly agreed with my suggestions.

The Real Difficulty with Hypnotic Language Patterns

The hardest thing about hypnotic language is not to burst out laughing when amazing things happen. I have since used this pattern loads of times with my parents and it has worked every time. It seems to work better if there is some discussion beforehand…but it doesn’t seem to matter what we discuss. For example I was talking to my mother about the hospital appointment to have her stitches removed and then used the phrase to tell her what I was cooking for the evening meal. She didn’t bat an eyelid.

At the time of writing I am not in my normal playground so don’t have the opportunity to use this pattern with other people. But I will as soon as I return to Glasgow. Perhaps you could have a go and comment on the results you are getting from it.

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17 Comments on “Create Your Own Language Patterns”

  1. Cristina

    Hi Rintu,

    as a non -native English speaker I have to say : Congratulations! for such an excellent article.

    I think it is longtime since I haven´t open smiled the entire narration.

    I could imagine myself dealing with my parents on
    a ..the same kind of situation:-)-just I have to choose and adequate language for my father which known almost everything and not so much space for reply;-)

    …have to read again your article and understand much more the sense of your trance sentence:

    “So that’s settled then” ..because on conscious level I perceive somehow just still miss the idea:-)

    Thank you , Rintu, you have made my day!

    Cristina

  2. Wayne Donnelly

    Wow guys. This sharing after Rintu’s article is wonderful. Thank you…”So that’s settled then..”. What comes to mind is observing the key phrase that leaders use to gain compliance then hijack that key phrase and use it as well to gain similar results.
    mmm, I’ll be listening and watching for that.
    Have a great weekend.
    Wayne

  3. Dante

    Hi Rintu,

    I thought i would post the great results I’ve been getting from playing with this pattern. I’ve tired this idea with various people, with different levels of authority to me. It was interesting. Also used spatial anchor with the phrase.

    I was talking to a senior college and purposely talked through lots of agendas and decisions that were open to negotiation. At the end of the conversation I used the phrase,
    “Good ,now that’s settled( placed my hands in front of me as if grabbing a ball and moved it to my left side, as if putting it out of the way) what we’ll do is…. and went into what we should do, the benefits they would get and how we should do it. They fully accepted it. I was surprised as I would never normally be so direct.

    The second person, and held highly as a figure of authority, who I went through the process with questioned me. They looked confused and asked what’s settled? I know their process quite well so I thought on my feet and reeled off something like the following:
    “Just settling things in my head! You know? You sort things out in your head, move them about and put them in neat compartments were they fit, and you know it feels right. And you know it’s settled cause you talk through it in your head, as you move it about. (Spatial anchor with hands like previous example). And that’s how you know it’s settled. Isn’t it?

    I then followed up with …what we’ll do is… giving instructs and using my spatial anchor with each suggestion so he could sort it out in his mind. I would also ask…”what do you feel the biggest benefit of this idea is?” And then basically feedback their answer paraphrasing using his key words. It went really well; I was pleasantly surprised! Will be continuing to experiment with this.

    Thanks Rintu,

    Dante.

  4. The REAL Bill Perry!

    Hey there!

    I used the “So that’s settled then” thing on a FB friend tonight.

    I told her (in FB chat) that I was going to post a quote I came up with
    on FB and said “So that’s settled then, I’m going to post that line on
    FB so that you can go like and possibly comment on the post”

    She did

  5. The REAL Bill Perry!

    Greetings Rintu!
    I think this is very similar to something Tom Hopkins does in his process, as part of a test close.

    “Well, Mr. X, it sounds to me like your biggest hurdle to investing in our widgets today is you aren’t sure of whether we can make your widget demand each month without it costing you an arm and a leg and if I show you how we can meet that demand and EXCEED it when the times is right and still help you not spend too much, you’d be ready to jump on board, isn’t that right?”

    1. Rintu Basu

      Excellent Bill,

      I can see that working. And if I want to ram it home once the customer agrees your statement then I might add, “So it is settled then, all I need to do is go through the xyz and then you are ready to buy.”

      Thanks

      Rintu

  6. Michael

    It has to do with the deep structure meaning of the words for the listener; e.g., “…That’s settled then…” The chore emotional energy associated with those words probably conjures fulfillment of rock bed emotional needs like: ‘certainty, connection, love, significance’, which are being met by the deeper vib they are experiencing from that phrase…. So there would be absolute acceptance at an unconscious, driver level and no resistance from the conscious mind’s gatekeeper. Repetition further grooves & anchors the response… Pavlov would understand & be very pleased with your ability to elicit primal emotions in receiving agreement…

    1. Rintu Basu

      Thank Michael,

      I need to get back to Glasgow and see what impact this has on other people. We are talking about my parents here and like all families there are a whole lot of anchors that have been installed on both sides from birth…possibly before that are working here. So yes, as you suggest there may well be some sort of fullfilment at a core level.

      Cheers

      Rintu

  7. Goss

    Hello, this is really remarkable ! Wouldn’t why they’re anchored to be more compliant whenever you say your phrase is because after each and every time they complied with a suggestion, you said it ? Ergo, it worked as an Anchor for Compliance ?

    1. Rintu Basu

      Great point. I hadn’t thought of that either. I guess each time the pattern works it sets more likelihood of it working again. It is how stacking anchors work so it should have been obvious to me…so thanks for pointing out a piece I was missing.

  8. Guido Groeneweg

    Hi Rintu,

    I don’t think that this is an entirely new pattern, but an alternated awareness/agreement frame.

    Your example: “So that’s settled then tomorrow I will cook… “ works because your mother reacts in the context of the conversation about her stitches removed and agrees with your feedback in that context (it’s settled to remove the stitches).
    Her unconscious is confused and follows this feedback as a command (agreement frame) and because she has agreed with you, she is compelled to follow through (Robert Cialdini) .

    Guido

    1. Rintu Basu

      Fantastic analysis Guido,

      I agree this is not a new pattern as such. I suspect there are very few of those. I think a more precise definition might be a pattern I had not noticed before in this context.

      I think the generalised pattern of your analysis is spot on. By sayng “That’s settled then…” I have set up a trance state because they have to go inside to work out what they have agreed to. And before they find that answer for themselves I tell them…and then they agree because they are already assuming that they have agreed.

      Thanks for that as I had not thought it through at this level for myself until reading your comment.

      Cheers

      Rintu

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