The EnTrance to an Empowered Self Image

You might already recognise the fact that all the meaning you encode on your world is only created inside your head. For example let’s say a person misses their train to work. They might take this to mean that

• They are so disorganised that they don’t deserve to have a decent job.
• They deserve to take the day off because they are so hard worked that they can’t get to the station in good time.
• The train company doesn’t run an efficient service
• It as a sign that they should change jobs.

I guess you can think of a lot more as well. As you can see this all of these meanings are created inside the head of the person and none of it has any real existence outside their head. The only thing that is “real” is the fact that they missed the train. Everything else is meaning that the person has placed on the event.

The Gravity of Beliefs

The logical extension to this is that all our beliefs are the meanings that we create from emotionally charged events or from repeat viewings of similar events. For example I know gravity exists because every time without fail that I try to pick up both feet from the floor at the same time I fall over. On the same grounds I have a belief that falling over hurts. I only had to fall over once to form this belief because it was a significant emotional event the first time it happened. In this way I have encoded meaning to many things that have occurred in life.

The gravity and falling over hurts beliefs perhaps might not need changing but what if through some set of circumstance through your life you created any of these beliefs:

• I don’t deserve a good job / a loving relationship / a healthy body
• I will never be good at cooking / maths / sports / my job
• Money is the root of all evil
• All (x) are (y) eg. All tradesmen are crooks, all men are rapists etc.
• Spiders are scary
• I could never talk to a crowd

Again all these beliefs could be created through a sequence of events, but they are all just created in your head. Think of the power you would have if you could change these beliefs in yourself, think of the power you could have if you could help others change their beliefs as well. Some might find this a daunting task, but the reality is that many beliefs can be changed quickly and easily. This video will show you how this is possible:

If you want to know how to do this overtly for yourself or with clients as well as covertly in a persuasion context such as sales, dating, management, parenting the place to learn is Advanced Persuasion Patterns, the most comprehensive download course on hypnotic persuasion skills. Click through and find out more:

 Covert Persuasion Techniques

If you saw the interview with Marcus last week you will already know I like pacing and leading patterns. If you didn’t catch that interview then you can see it here.

Having seen the interview you probably understand just how flexible these patterns are and you just have to use your creativity to lead people to where you want them to go. As you read through this and start to think about different ways you might use these types of patterns you might want to look through a few more examples. And luckily for you Joshua asked me to write an article for his website. You can find a different slant on pacing and leading patterns when you read the article here.

If you like the interview with Marcus let him know by leaving a comment.

If you like the article on whatsonmybrain.com let Joshua know by leaving a comment.

Meeting Interesting People

At the beginning of the year I had the opportunity to meet Marcus Oakey the author of YourCharismaCoach.com as we were both delivering some training on Hypnotic Transformations Live. At the time Marcus asked and I readily agreed to be interviewed for his website.

I highly recommend that you go to YourCharismaCoach.com and download the free eBook. Marcus has a lot of really good things to say. Even someone as jaded, cynical and long in the tooth as I have learned loads from him. For me the best thing about Marcus is not the loads of unique clever material that he has, it is that he completely walks his talk.

Unconscious Competence of Persuasion Patterns

At YourCharismaCoach.com you will also find the video interview along with a transcript. What you need to recognise about this video is that Marcus has caught me in full on training mode so I am still bubbling with patterns. Have a listen to the language I am using and notice just how many patterns I am going through. Then have a look at the transcript and notice a few more.

Once you have finished with that have a watch and notice the spatial anchors that I am using. Throughout this video I have a lot of rapport with Marcus so you can see how much impact those anchors are having on both of us. But my personal favourite occurs around 6 minutes 20 seconds.

At this point we are discussing awareness patterns and yes sets. I have already cycled through several yes sets explaining how they are used in sales. At the 6 mins 20 secs mark I am starting to explain how hypnotists use these patterns. I’ve already got Marcus used to how I am implying trance with my hands and here you can see me use the spatial anchors to take him there along with my language and voice. It is a shame we didn’t have time for a longer interview as I think I could have made him fall out of his chair within a few minutes of this point in the interview. Here is the link to the transcript and the video.

 Remember there is a transcript of this video on Marcus’ site as well. And while you are there sign up to his newsletter and definitely get his free eBook. You will be glad that you did.

If you want to learn these patterns and develop these techniques the easiest way to do it is to subscribe to the Advanced Persuasion Patterns course. You can find out more here.

Inductive or Deductive Learning?

Do you prefer to learn in a step by step systematic way or do you like meandering from topic to topic building connections and a framework between different things? The real answer is it depends on the context and that you do both well. But your beliefs about your learning ability will make a difference to how effective any of this might be. Have a look at this email with a view to understanding where the writer is actually coming from.

Hello,

 I have a quick question about the APP course. I got a little excited about it and just bought the full thing yesterday but I have yet to complete the black book and smaller persuasion course I have already purchased. I just wondered if it is best to completely go through all that material before starting on the APP stuff.

 Thanks,

EP

Asking the Right Question

When listening to people one of my favourite thoughts is to ask myself what has to be true for that person for the statement that they are making to be true. Applying that question to the email above one answer is that EP doesn’t have the confidence to just go with however they want to do it. Or they have a personality profile that says that there is a wrong way and a right way to do things.

In either case they would be more effective in their learning if they just leapt in and confidently did this learning stuff their own way. The reality is I do have a structure and some subject are better done in sequence etc. but the more you read around a subject the more frame work you put in place to connect and integrate the material. So the ideal solution is that you do dip and skim as well as go through systematically.

Remember I might not have this right. If EP was in the room I would ask more questions and check my ideas out before reaching for these conclusions. But I am going to assume these are the issues for the purposes of demonstrating the metaphor and because after years of busting people’s unhelpful learning beliefs I am fairly sure that this if EP doesn’t have this issue certainly other people reading this article will have.

Covert Persuasion Skills in Action

Now that you have seen the set up, below is my response.  How well do you think I did?

Hi EP,

 It is a quick question but needs a big answer.

The original version of the APP was delivered in weekly chunks and people did not have the opportunity to leap ahead. I deliberately overloaded the weekly chunks so people would not be able to keep up. This was for several reasons, I wanted to over deliver on my promise, make sure people had enough to study and never go hungry during the week.

As people “fell behind” I found that they were jumping backwards and forwards through the content rather than following the delicately balanced structured process I had carefully designed. And they were also going through in order at the same time. This based on the feedback I get is a remarkably great way of studying the material.

I am a firm believer of chaotic structures. Both The Persuasion Skills Black Book and the Advanced Persuasion Patterns Course have a carefully designed structure that is designed to help you install the information. In both I (over)use patterns in lots of different ways to encourage the reader to notice them and to seduce people in to going back, spotting and laughing about the patterns they missed and are now learning about.

So the short answer to your question is follow the process for both / either and have the joy of reading ahead, behind and generally all around. I talk about learning these skills as a systematic, linear process because the teaching process has to start somewhere and finish somewhere else. The learning process on the other hand is about integrating things in much more multi-dimensional level. As such reading around the subject is vital.

I hope that answers your question. If it doesn’t wait until you have been through the metaphor section of the Advanced Persuasion Patterns course and come back to it.

Cheers

Rintu

Final Thoughts

Here are a few questions for you to ponder:

• How well do you think I did?
• What impact did it have on you?
• What would you do differently?

Feel free to leave comments below. If you have not yet looked at the Advanced Persuasion Patterns Course you can find out more about it here:

Failing even with Hypnotic Persuasion Skills

Remember the process I used to develop rapport in the restaurant the first time around. I used the conversation management process to build rapport and move the conversation in a particular direction. I was in peripheral vision and in a heighten state of awareness to spot unconscious signals which I fed back to deepen that rapport, the unconscious hello process. I then elicited the subject’s values and used time scramble patterns to bind that rapport to me. I set out on the second evening to do all of this again to some other unsuspecting member of the public.

Using Hypnotic Persuasion Skills to Set Myself Up for Failure

Flush with my success on the first night, buoyed up with a great training day I headed out for the second night. I scouted out a few restaurants and picked one that was moderately busy. I went in and sat at the bar for a few minutes so I could spy out a likely target and the best table to sit at. My attention was on the tables so I only made distracted conversation with the barman / waiter. I can’t even remember the general topic of the conversation.

Within a few minutes I spotted what I thought was the best table. There were a couple of women in a deep conversation and they seemed the ideal targets for my persuasion skills experiments. I spent a few minutes observing them before asking the waiter if I could have that particular table next to them.

Thinking it might be a problem I quickly built rapport with the waiter asking him all sorts of things about how great he must feel when he gets a really satisfied customer and linking that to how great he would feel giving me my perfect table. Of course he agreed to the table I suggested.

Using Unconscious Hellos

As I walked over to the table I fired off the unconscious hello that I thought I had spotted from one of the women and was completely ignored as she was engrossed in the conversation. As I sat down I made eye contact with the other woman smiled and fired off the unconscious hello again. She frowned, turned away and continued her conversation with her companion. Things weren’t going well.

Several times I tried spotting and using their unconscious signals. When I tried listening in on the conversation I noticed they seemed to get closer to each other and talking more quietly. Almost as if they knew I was trying to listen in and they were trying to shut me out.

Shot Down in Flames

After a few minutes I was getting more and more frustrated. I tried everything. One of them frowned at me, I frown back matching her perfectly and she turned away. So much for matching and mirroring.

Growing more desperate I broke into the conversation asking them what was good on the menu. I got told huffily to ask the waiter.

The waiter came over to take my order and I distractedly had a conversation with him about what he likes on the menu and ordering on his suggestions. Feeling the opportunities fading away I continued talking with the waiter asking him for a wine suggestion and making polite small talk with him.

To cut a long painful story to shreds I spent the next hour doing everything I could think of to build rapport with these two women and nothing worked. But with each attempt I got more frustrated.

In the end they two women finished their meal and left. I had spectacularly failed to have any positive impact. I spent the rest of my meal having distracted conversations with the waiter and being totally in my own head trying to work out what had gone wrong.

The Consolation Prize

The thing that brought me back into the real world was the waiter suddenly asking me if I would like a complimentary brandy on the house. I looked at him in confusion which he mistook saying that it didn’t have to be a brandy, but he thought that would be what I would like.

I agreed to the free drink but asked him why. His response was that it was great having me as a dinner guest and that they would like to encourage me to come back. In some bizarre way I had managed to succeed randomly with the staff of the restaurant where I had failed entirely with my intended subjects. Here is what I think really went on.

The Process, How to Set Yourself Up for Failure

I started the evening having set some outcomes and invested a huge amount of energy in getting those outcomes. This set up a course of action that blinkered me to all the available opportunities. Here ar a few examples:

If the outcome was to build rapport and get into a conversation with others picking two people that were already in the middle of a deep discussion is not the best starting position.

An elementary principle in persuasion is that you search for the people that will benefit from the results you are trying to create. The two women were not in a position to appreciate what I had to offer at that stage.

If I had been thinking, there were two good available options to me, search for a couple of people that were in a better position for me to talk to or wait until the two women were not so deep in discussion. The problem was that each failure increased my desperation to get the result and that pushed the likelihood of that result away. I was very poorly managing my state.

Conversely with the serving staff I had no agenda. I was very distracted by my experiments for the night that I was in danger of ignoring the serving staff all together but luckily that is not in my nature. My unconscious strategy for dealing with the staff had been to get them talking, I am fairly skilled at asking open questions. Because I was distracted I was not listening to their answers so I can only assume through luck I managed to connect my questions to their comments so from their perspective they were having a conversation with someone genuinely interested in them.

I would like to think I asked them values based question but the reality is I don’t really know. I do remember Asking the waiter questions about what he would want from the menu, why he would make the choices he would and then agreeing with them by ordering his suggestions. This seems suspiciously like eliciting and binding values so I obviously built a huge level of rapport with him specifically.

Key Learning Points

My key learnings from the evening include:

• Get very clear about your outcomes
• Pick your prospects very carefully noting specifically whether they are ready to receive your message when you want to send it.
• Detach emotionally from your outcomes so you can still see the big picture
• I need to practice better state management
• It is really possible to use some pretty advanced persuasive techniques completely unconsciously.

For a fuller appreciation of all the persuasion techniques and skills mentioned in these posts have a look at The Advanced Persuasion Patterns Programme.

In the final post for this field report we will summarise the key points and put an outline process together based on these results so you can start playing with these advanced persuasion techniques.