This article is actually about accelerated learning and how you can apply certain key principles to any context to develop your skills faster than traditional learning methods.
NLP Training to Gain Social Confidence
I am using the context of social confidence to illustrate the techniques as this is an area where these key distinctions are obvious. In future articles we will explore how the same issue arise in other contexts.
Key Factors in Accelerated Learning
The first couple of issues around learning any skills are about motivation and emotions. Firstly you need to understand why you want to develop the skill and what you will get from it. For example are you after finding a partner, widening your social circle or networking for business? What sort of goals do you have and what will you gain by achieving them? Knowing these things will help you stay on track, be focused and motivated to get your results.
The second key factor that needs to be addressed is the emotional one. Often with new skills there are negative emotions like fear floating about. Some people have a fear of doing something wrong, being ridiculed or rejected in social situations. Others have low self esteem and have problems realising that they are worth meeting and have something worth saying. If you are carrying negative baggage then the work is so much slower and harder and you require a lot more motivation. Clearing these issues out before going for your goals will speed your development of these skills.
Many years ago a substantial part of my coaching business involved helping shy young men meet women. My first approach was to get them to ramp up their motivation and let go of their negative baggage. I would then try to send them out into the world to have fun. But often they wouldn’t leave or would be back within a couple of days.
What I hadn’t realised was that these guys had spent most of their lives being awkward in these sorts of social situations and therefore had not developed strategies to start conversations. I had a picture of all these now confident young men walking up to a variety of women and suddenly realising they had no idea what to say. Standing there with their mouths flapping like guppies and hoping something interesting would come out probably reinstalled some of the negative emotions they had worked hard to let go of. My response was to teach them some opening lines and strategies. My favourite is still:
- Find something you like about the person (I usually pick clothes, accessories, hair or make up)
- Pay a complement and personalise it (“I like your shoes they really suits you”)
- Then ask a question allowing them to open into a conversation (“Where do you shop for shoes like that?”)
I would then send them back out into the world to have fun, practice and develop their new skills for themselves. It usually took a couple of weeks before they would be back again.
Process is Key to Learning
These guys were past the emotional and motivational issues. They managed to make the first steps and can now start conversations. This meant they would have a nice conversation about putting on makeup, buying shoes or about matching and accessorizing your wardrobe and then the woman would wonder off to talk to someone else. My clients had no idea of how to deepen the rapport, direct the conversation or develop the relationship past a superficial conversation.
It was at this point I would teach them about rapport techniques, hypnotic language patterns and conversation management. You might already recognise without dealing with motivation, emotions and initial approaches teaching these steps would be near pointless.
The real key to accelerated learning is to recognise all three elements and develop strategies to deal with all of them as part of your learning. An example would be the way I structured The Persuasion Skills Black Book. The book is structured so that you start with a simple but very powerful pattern.
This pattern is so simple that you get instant results from it whatever your skill level or situation. This covertly deals with a number of beliefs and emotions around learning hypnotic language patterns. We address the issues about learning, stepping outside your comfort zone and failure early on with our ten minutes a day practice routine. All of this is designed to covertly get over the initial steps, let go of your emotional baggage and start building foundations for the more advanced strategies that we progress to further in the book. You can buy The Persuasion Skills Black Book at Amazon.co.uk or Amazon.com
The Guide to Social Confidence
I have recently put together a video bonus exclusively for The Guide to Social Confidence. You can see the first ten minutes on You Tube. After looking through Steven Burns’ product I readily agreed to put together an exclusive bonus for him. It is a fabulous product. Have a look at what you get and you will see that it takes you through all the stage we have discussed above. Not only that, but Steven has also put together a great list of people from both in and outside the NLP community to give you some very specific bonuses. The only issue is these bonuses, including my video on the Conversation Management Process are only available if you buy the Guide to Social Confidence before the end of Sunday 15th August. Click through and find out more here.