This article has further ideas about how you can do things without needing any confidence to do them.
Confidently Letting Go of the Need for Confidence
My last article about confidence provoked a bit of a stir. I had a number of emails asking to explain more about the idea of not needing confidence to do things. And one particular email about why I had such a downer on the idea of confidence.
You can find the article here: Confidence and Why You Don’t Need It
Well the truth is I don’t have a real problem with confidence I just think there are often better ways to think about what is stopping you and what you need to be able to get done what you really want.
Accidentally Writing Books
With that in mind this video will explain a little more about some of the issues around confidence. It will take you through my personal experience, about how I couldn’t even contemplate a task because I didn’t have the confidence to do it. And how I accidentally over came it to the point where I still don’t have confidence, I just do it. Have a watch and then I will give you an idea of some of the other issues that are involved.
Heroics and NLP Techniques
Imagine for a moment a plank of wood on the floor. Let’s make it about shoulder width wide and twelve paces long. I would imagine you would find it easy to walk along it from one end to the other. What if we put the plank on two chairs and I asked you to walk along it? Would you be as happy? What if we used a couple of ladders and had the plank ten foot in the air? How about if the plank was one hundred meters in the air, would that make a difference.
When I ask this question of people most of them start thinking differently. Even just a little off the ground people are starting to think of consequences. And when we get to hundreds of feet many people say they would not do it unless there were very good reasons…some say even if their life depended on it they may not do it.
But the point is the task has not changed. Only the consequences of failure have. And the odd thing is the more risk involved it seems the more you have to fight your body’s natural tendency not to attempt the task. Where as if you accepted the challenge in the same way as when there are no consequences you would have a better chance of success.
Job Interviews and Presentation Skills
Another typical example is job interviews. The number of times I have met people that fail to get the job that they really want but easily ace the interviews that they only took to practice for the “big” is not funny any more. The only difference between the two interviews though is the amount of desire involved. Another one I see a lot of is the person that delivers a pitch perfect presentation when practising and they think they have got it but they suddenly fall apart when they have to deliver it for real.
The Key Point
My perspective is just this. In the first instance when you could do the task you don’t have a feeling of confidence, you just do it…as if it is a normal natural thing to do. In the second what is tripping you up is not an absence of confidence, it is the addition of some other negative emotion, usually the fear of the consequences of failing or getting it wrong. My general answer then to dealing with “confidence” issues is not to add confidence but to take away / alleviate / deal with the negative emotion that is causing the problem.
The Confidence Booster
I have a short course taking this frame on confidence and looking at how you can get things done without needing the confidence to do them. Over the four videos we discuss what confidence is and isn’t and various techniques to be able to manage the negative emotions. The course is over an hour long split across four videos that you can stream the content on any pc, laptop, phone or tablet. And you get the audio track separated out so you can play it on any mp3 player.