NLP Language Pattern Example

Lots of people have baggage about NLP and Conversational Hypnosis thinking that it is manipulative and being used for bad purposes. The truth is, people with this sort of baggage are really telling you something about themselves, about their fears and even more about the direction their minds think in.

Are Hypnotic Language Patterns Manipulative?

Of course they are…all communications is manipulative. And people asking that question are usually trying to manipulate you in to thinking that it’s a bad thing and that we should all be like them. 

I am only talking to you to be heard, amongst my many other agendas, such as seeking approval, selling courses and wanting to be understood. The issue is not manipulation but intent. In the same way as any tools you can use them with good intent helping yourself and others or by mistake, negligence or intent use them to harm. The tool is not the issue, just your intent when using it.

Perfect Language Pattern Example

A little while ago I was sent a perfect example of a set of language patterns from Dr Tom. I am not going to explain the patterns because you will find them on the free persuasion skills course. There are several sets of patterns going through this that I don’t think Dr Tom is even aware of, but anyone who mails me with a good analysis of all the things going on in this example will get published. Anyway here is Dr Tom’s email in full as a perfect example of when to use a set of patterns, perfect delivery of those patterns and a perfect result. It really doesn’t get better than this.

Hi Rintu,

Thank you again for providing such great and useful information. Here is how it was applies and you have my full permission to use, print or publish any part of this email, without using my real name.

My daughter came home from school with a low test grade (a 73). We have to sign off on all of her tests, (she is an excellent student) and I could tell she was a little nervous and uncomfortable/upset about showing me this one. I said to her:

“Sweetheart (she is 12 years old), I agree that this is not a very good grade, but you have made the Honor Roll for the past three semesters, you are a very smart girl, and I am very proud of you.

The issue isn’t how you did on this one test, but how excellent you have done in all of your other classes, you have a perfect attendance record and you have excelled in band (she plays the saxophone), chorus, softball, and basketball. And after we go over this test together, you will know the material as well as anyone who scored an A on the test, and that’s what’s really important, isn’t it?

I love you and know you will do better the next time.”

Well, she went from being nervous and worrying that I would be disappointed in her, to beaming with confidence and being proud of herself. She gave me a big hug and a kiss and said, “Thanks dad, I love you.”

It doesn’t get any better than that.

Thanks Rintu.

Sincerely,

Dr. Tom

Using NLP Anchoring to Win at Poker

I went to play poker in my local casino the other night and had the opportunity to try out a specific NLP Technique I had read about in Doyle Brunson’s Super System: A Course in Power Poker!

NLP Poker

Before all you NLPers out there start looking for this new super NLP Trainer…Doyle Brunson is a poker player and has written up anchoring in his book without knowing anything about NLP. I am putting the NLP jargon on something he does.

For those of you that don’t play poker stay with this example because it deconstructs a specific process to set an anchor in a live environment. Once you understand the process you will easily find other ways of using these principles.

Strategic Thinking with NLP Persuasion Techniques

One of the things that is worth considering is how can you manoeuvre a situation so that you don’t need to use your techniques in the first place. When playing poker I very deliberately set out to create an image of being a tight aggressive player. For those of you that don’t play poker this is the sort of player that does not play very many hands, but when he does they are played with very aggressive bets. I do this for a reason.

If the players think I only play strong hands and I play them very strongly it is easy to bluff them in the later stages of the game. I use this image when the conditions are right to steal the pot by placing a big bet and watching everyone fold to me. Unfortunately this only works for as long as I can keep the image. Eventually in a game someone will call my bluff, I will have to show people my hand and they will realise that I am bluffing. From that point people tend to think that I am bluffing and don’t respect my bets anymore. I expect this to happen at some point of a game and usually change the way I play when I have been found out.

For all of you that are interested in persuasion tactics consider the issue here. I am deliberately setting out to create an image where my actions are not going to be challenged. Think about how many different ways you can apply this for yourself just by repeating a certain action in a particular what a few times people will start to assume this is how the world works. And for those of you that know some NLP, yes, this is an anchor…but it is not the one I want to talk about specifically.

Creativity from Disaster

In this particular game disaster struck and I got found out very early on in the game completely destroying my attempt at creating the table image I wanted. Normally this would be a major challenge for me and I would find it very difficult to get back in the game. On this occasion I suddenly remembered some of the things I had read from Doyle Brunson.

I had put a large bet in as normal. When another player called me and I knew the game was up and I had been caught I stretched in a big and obvious manner. When I turned over my cards and everyone saw I had been bluffing I stretched again. Here is why.

My hope was that on an unconscious level I was making an association in the other player’s heads that when I stretch I am bluffing. I made the gesture twice. Once when I knew I was going to be found out and again when it was immediately obvious to everyone that I had been bluffing. For those of you that like the jargon, this is me setting the anchor.

At this stage I was left with very few chips and no option but to wait for strong cards to play with. Usually when this happens to a player everyone knows that you are waiting for good cards so when you bet they automatically fold and you don’t win many chips back.

A short while later I got my good cards. I put in a bet and stretched. Normally in this situation everyone would assume I had good cards and would have folded to me. Three people called me. The next set of cards came down and I discovered I had an unbeatable hand. I stretched again and all three started a frenzy of placing bets raising each other with no regard to me at all. I put all my chips in and stretched again. This time one person called me and the others folded. I won the hand and doubled up my money.

Presuppositions in NLP

One of the presuppositions in NLP is that the person with the most flexibility has control over the system. Twice more I stretched with good cards and noticed people wanting to bet against me…obviously thinking I was bluffing. But I went on to win the hand each time. On the third occasion I noticed that the other players folded instead of playing against me when I stretched.

I switched…the next time I stretched I had poor cards and was bluffing. All the other players folded. It was now the middle stages of the game, I had a healthy chip stack and I had my table image back. The association I had created an association for the other players that when I stretched I had good cards. This allowed me to control the betting more easily whenever I was in a hand.

NLP Techniques and Applications

So this is an Anchoring Example specifically for poker, you will find other examples of anchoring in other contexts throughout the NLP Techniques section of this website. But here are a few basic variations on a theme that you might want to consider.

As a manager when someone in your team has done a good job make a grand thank you that makes them feel really good. As part of this you might use some unique stimulus such as a tone of voice. When you want to get that person to do something for you might thank them in advance (assumptive close) and use the same tone of voice. This should give them the effect of feeling good about something they are about to do for you.

If you deal with prospects and customers and they are telling you their problems and they are feeling bad nod your head with the rhythm of their speech. When you tell them about your competitors use the same rhythm and nod your head the same way.

If you are a trainer talk to your delegates about the good experiences they have had in training from where you normally sit or stand to deliver your material. Move to another spot where you don’t normally stand and talk to them about bad experiences. Now you can start controlling the emotions of the group. When they are going the wrong direction or doing things that you rather they didn’t start moving towards the bad spot. As they start to do things well start moving towards the feel good spot.

Obviously there is a little more to artful anchoring that just this, but hopefully this will have sparked a few thoughts of how you can use anchors in everyday situations. Tom and Kim from Essential Skills have a very comprehensive DVD covering Anchoring in a way that many normal NLP Courses don’t really cover. Of course a good NLP Practitioner Course will give you a wealth of information but more importantly the skills to use anchors in everyday situations.

Finally, there is one thing I have misrepresented in this article. The anchor certainly worked the way I described and it was not a stretch. I am not about to tell you my real anchor…I might be facing you across a poker table one day

;-p

Getting what you want from your Senior ManagementUsing NLP Persuasion Tactics

It is one thing to use NLP Techniques to build great programmes and projects that can have a serious impact results, but often it is key individuals that will either make or break the project. Particularly when dealing with culture change you need all your influential managers working for you. Sometimes this can be a challenge, particularly if they are senior to you.

Below are the edited highlights of an email interchange I have had with an extremely good manager who leads a team and has created some fabulous results. Barry has wanted to take this further but has been having some trouble convincing more senior managers to commit their time, energy and resources. This is how he got their commitment.

NLP Business Tactics, the Results

As this is an on going story and some of the people involved would not be pleased if they knew how easily they can be swayed in to doing the right thing for the company all the names (including Barry) have been changed.

Here is the testimonial I received and below it the strategies I suggested to Barry to create these results:

Thanks Rintu your help is really appreciated.

Things are on the up!  

Sharon sent me a note about the presentation with a bit tagged on about what our targets were. (I have given her these previously so the fact she asked I knew she wasn’t reading what I was sending!)   I suggested we get together to discuss the coaching and targets and how this will improve her centre’s results.  

I used some of your techniques and got her full agreement that the managers need to do more to manage their teams and that my team is pivotal to increasing results.   It was a great meeting so thanks for your help.

I also used the opportunity to involve her in a selection process I was going through for recruiting a new team member.   Of course I knew who I wanted but I got her thinking it was her decision.    

I also showed her some applications forms I had received that were very poor but had been signed off by one of her senior managers.  Again I made her feel it was her that was surprised at the poor quality being recommended and got her to agree we need the best possible people coaching the operational teams.

All in all I am making progress!

Thanks Barry

The NLP Techniques and Hypnotic Patterns that I described to Barry in my email below are a mixture of techniques from two great persuasion artists that anyone serious about this field should read although approach this from a psychological rather than NLP or Hypnosis angle..

NLP Persuasion Resources

The first is a book by Robert Cialdini called Influence: Science and Practice . This is required reading for anyone that is interested in how to persuade or influence others. In the patterns I explain below there are several of Cialdini’s principles involved.

The second book is by David Lieberman and is called Get Anyone to Do Anything . This book approaches persuasion from a traditional psychological perspective and has some great tactics. When you read this book you will see Lieberman’s tactics on getting people to return your calls as part of the structure of what I suggested Barry try out on his senior manager.

The parts of the email that I sent Barry with the tactics and patterns I suggested are pasted in below:

Hi Barry

I can sense your frustration and here is a thought…Instead of fighting it, work with it. So if you can get that meeting with Sharon here are a couple of things you can add in to the mix.

The meeting objectives (not necessarily for anyone else’s eyes) would be something like:

• Getting Sharon to openly and publicly praise the results your team has got.
• Getting Sharon to buy in (publicly) to the ideas you have for moving this forward.
• Turning around or at least negating the attitude of her senior managers.

Here is structure for the meeting (without content, sorry I’m not that good):
 
1.        Benefit statement of what can be achieved by implementing new ideas
2.        How we got to where we are…including a quick run through of your current presentation
3.        Feedback Sandwich for one of senior managers for supporting the coaching team…I’ll explain this bit a little lower down
4.        New ideas Coach and facilitate this so she feels like she is creating or contributing to these ideas.
5.        Get agreement and seal commitment to the ideas (easy to do if you get point 4 right.
6.        Future Pace the benefits again.
 
Okay, point 3. Let’s say for example you are targeting Richard as the senior manager you want to deal with and you want him to release more time from his team managers so you can coach them. A cut down version of the feedback sandwich in your discussion with Sharon would be:
 
Praising Richard for his support of the work you are doing specifically by…fill in examples (they don’t have to be right, just plausible and connected)

The phrase so far is open, public and specific to things that he is doing to completely support the aims and objectives of your coaching team…AND WHAT WOULD MAKE IT EVEN BETTER IS WHEN he…(fill in what you want him to do).
 
Then to seal it down you tell Sharon it was Richard who gave you the idea in the first place.
 
Now the statement looks like
 
Praise supporting the team by specific behaviours, what will make this even better is when Richard releases his managers on a regular basis to be coached by you. This was an idea Richard gave you when you had a coffee with him a month ago when he was talking about…fill in any plausible connected conversation you have had with him…
Anyway this works because people are unlikely to turn away open praise…particularly when it is specific and targeted at their behaviour. I have used this sort of pattern to build cult like followings out of managers when I worked in the corporate world. Basically agree with whatever they do, openly praise them for it AND link it to supporting whatever it is you want from them.
 
Hope it helps

NLP Patterns of Persuasion to Manage Authority 

As patterns go this works well when having to deal with people in positions of authority over you or you have no direct control over.

By going to their manager with criticisms you risk alienating yourself and creating enemies.

By walking in with open praise for their actions, making them thing the good ideas were theirs and then linking all this to actions you want them to take almost guarantees they will work for you.

If you want to learn more about this sort of approach there are two books where I developed this sort of pattern from.

Influence: Science and Practice

Get Anyone to Do Anything

Objection Handling using Hypnotic Language Patterns

I have recently been sent an email from a guy I will refer to as Dr Tom. Dr Tom is a chiropractor and hypnotist and talks about certain types of resistance he gets from his clients. This gives me the opportunity to demonstrate some NLP Language patterns that you can use to bypass resistance and refocus your client in the right direction.

Hi Rintu,

I am very impressed with the first two lessons. I did notice in the first lesson you used the word “but” in a certain way, then in the second lesson you made specific instructions to use “and” instead of “but”. I have not had a real good chance to study and contrast the reason and understand why this is so, but I will.

I am a chiropractor and certified hypnotist trying after 10 years in business how to talk to people in a way that gets the importance of the adjustment across, and deliver a better understanding of what I do so that people will come in for healthcare instead of “bandaid” care, only when they are hurting. Unfortunately, that is what I instructed/taught people to do ever since I opened my office.

I am working out scripts based on lesson #2 to answer the question/comment I have gotten quite often in the past which is:

“Once you go to a chiropractor, you have to go forever, I just want the pain gone and come back when it hurts.”

Or

“Why should I bring my kids in, there’re not old? They don’t have back pain, why do you crack a kid’s back?”

Most people don’t have any idea of how important chiropractic care is, and I have not done a very good idea of educating them. I have read dozens of books on hypnosis, NLP, Zig Zigler (way ahead of his time by the way, he talks about all of these principles before they called it NLP) and am reading blogs and talking to chiropractic coaches.

Your information is very much appreciated and I will let you know how it works. I want a win/win relationship with my patients. I know people will get more of of what I do if I can explain it better and have sincere and convincing answers to questions like these.

Thank you, your information is better than most.

Dr. Tom

NLP Resources

I agree with Dr Tom about Zig Ziglerand think he is definitely worth a read particularly if you are interested in sales. There are a few good books on Hypnotic Sales and NLP Sales Technqiues but below is an edited version of the email I sent back to Dr Tom with a few ideas for reframing the resistance.

Hypnotic Objection Handling

Hi Tom,           

Thanks for emailing. Your email sets up a lot of good questions and I would like to use it as the basis of an article for the techniques section of the website. In the mean time some short answers for you:

Wrt to ‘but’ vs. ‘and’ the way you can start to latch on to what I do with them is to notice the phrase before the but/and. When I want people to forget the first bit and focus on the second I will tend to use ‘but’ and when I want them to connect the two phrases together I will use ‘and’…for example:

“I have some bad news about your current health situation, but the good news is that it is all repairable.”

“The good news is that you can have a great healthy spine and you will have to put some attention on maintaining that level once you have reached it.”

Obviously these are just a couple of things off I just thought of but I hope you get the idea and can think of a few for yourself based on your experience.

I won’t give you everything that your email got me thinking about because I would like to leave some motivation for you to agree to have it posted on the website but if you go back to the agreement frame and redefine patterns you might find some answers such as this one below. And if you look through it you might find a whole lot of other patterns as well.

“I agree your kids are not old and the issue is not their age but their ongoing health and wellbeing as they grow up. Having good chiropractic care would mean they reduce the chances of ever having a bad back…I think most good parents have some worry about the health of their children, but the best are forward thinking to put preventative measures in place and that might give you more peace of mind. When would be a good time to book your son in for an initial examination?”

Tom, just remember this is for illustration only. I would not though this much out as a monologue and in such an adversarial way. My message would be the same patterns but delivered interactively as part of a conversation. Hopefully this will give you a couple of ideas of your own.

Anyway this and a couple of other thoughts I have are what I would like to put up as a post. Would you be willing to let me publish your email?

Cheers

Rintu

Covert Hypnosis in the Real World

Obviously Dr Tom has agreed to me publishing his email, so I am duty bound to add in some thing extra for him so below is the Master Key to Hypnotic Persuasion.

The issue in these situations is not the resistance but the focus your client has in something that is not useful for them. In the case of Dr Tom’s clients they are only focused on cure not prevention.

By widening the focus through such things as redefine patterns you are opening your client’s mind to different opportunities. The issue is not their presenting problem but what would be the best solution.

The Key Secret to Hypnotic Persuasion

Before I give you another example of reframing the issue here is the key to all persuasive language.

Rapport

Without rapport this none of the ideas I am suggesting will work. And remember my version of rapport is not the basic NLP matching and mirroring thing, you need to pace your clients current experience and then lead them to a new way of thinking about the issue. A good place to find out more about rapport in the real world is Tom and Kim’s Essential Skills Website. Any good NLP Training Course should take you to a level that is far beyond this simplistic matching and mirroring concept.

Anyway assuming you have a level of rapport here is another example of the things I might say to Dr Tom’s clients.

“The issue is not your bad back but are you prepared to allow your son to suffer the same problems as you in later life. Good preventative treatment now will mean his back, posture and general health will make him less likely to suffer the problem you are currently having.”

And if I really wanted the parent nailed down about this issue before the statement above I might say something like, “Are you already aware that children learn their adult behaviour by unconsciously modelling their parents? How much have you taught your son about how to have a bad back?”

Practicing NLP Language Patterns

My personal thanks go to Dr Tom for writing in and allowing me to share his email on the site. Having live and real examples to play with make a big difference is demonstrating how these patterns go together and I hope you are seeing different ways of applying these things to your own lives.

Using Accelerated Learning and NLP to Remember to Remember

This article is about some of the things you can do to improve your memory when studying for an exam. There are a large number of Accelerated Learning books that will flesh out the bones of the processes that we will discuss here, but in brief here are some pointers to how to get the best from your study time using NLP Techniques and Accelerated Learning Tools. If you want more details here is a list of some of the most effective accelerated learning resources.

NLP Belief Change and State Management, the Master Keys to Effective Learning

In simple terms whatever you believe about your memory is what you will create for yourself. If you believe you have a poor memory then you will turn this in to a self fulfilling prophesy. NLP Training will show you many different belief change techniques but for brevity I am just going to a simple concept here and wrap it up in to a study process you can use quickly.

All beliefs are state dependant. Consider for a moment how differently you view the world when you are unhappy and when you are full of joy. Are you already realising that your beliefs about yourself and the world around you change depending on your emotions? As part of our study process we will use NLP Anchors to manage our state and keep hold of empowering beliefs.

Visual Learning vs. Whole Brain Learning vs. Using Your Preferred System

Many NLP Practitioners make the mistake of thinking of themselves as visual, auditory or kinaesthetic (feelings / emotion based). This leads them to study from that preferred system i.e. visual learners should learn visually, auditory learners learn better with tapes, kinaesthetic learners learn through movement and doing. The truth is more complex and potentially mind expanding. It is something we will explore in detail on your NLP Practitioner Course but for the moment a simple explanation would be that your memory and learning works best when using as many of your rep systems as possible. Therefore if you want to remember something picture it as vivid image …create pictures in your head, add colours, sounds, movement and emotions…link it to things you already know and how you will apply it. If you can make the image funny, bizzare or stand out in any way then so much the better.

 As a standard process for ingraning new knowledge and / or skills, tkae the information, spend time understadning how it applies to you and then apply / use it.

As a general rule visual information is the fastest and most comprehensive processing system that you have in your head. Imagine a rose in your head, how many words would you have to use to describe the detail of the picture you have? If you could only uses your emotions to describe the picture how long would it take for someone else to work out you were thinking of a rose let alone get the detail of the picture you have?

Another general rule is that kinaesthetic learning whilst much slower is likely to stay with you for longer. It is true to say that if you use something soon after the learning you are much more likely to remember. You also remember things more readily when there is a high emotional content to them.

Learning to mind mapand building some emotional content in to the maps you create is something that is worth placing in your study system.

Memory and Remembering to Remember

There are some standard aids to memory that are worth thinking about. Tony Buzan has a great book about Using your Memory that has a huge array of tools, tips and techniques that are easy to implement. Here are a few things you might want to consider:

Memory is state dependant, so you remember good time when you are in a good mood. On a good NLP Training you will learn to build an ideal learning state and then anchor it. You might have several different learning states because learning another language might not be the same state as learning to drive. If you are studying for exams then being able to fire off the same anchor in the exam will give you better access to all the things you have learnt.

You learn more when in a fun, relaxed and safe environment. Building these things in to your learning state and study programme will stand you in good stead.

Memory improves with repetition, connection and application. The study system you will learn on a good NLP Training would include building study a study system that includes outcomes that have meaning and relevance, review processes that include repetition to bolster your memory and visualising your mastery of knowledge and skills for applications.

You remember things that stand out. This might include the first and last of things, unusual, funny or sexual things, things that are more colourful, loud or visceral. You also remember things that connect with you on a personal level whether emotionally, intellectually or just connects to what you already know. Building all of this in to your personal study system will also increase the speed and quality of your retention.

You also remember better if you are refreshed, focused and alert. This generally means you are better studying in short concentrated bursts that are a little shorter than your attention span with quick breaks in between.

Learning is easiest going from known to unknown and from general to detail. Any good NLP Study System then will work from an overview and move down in to detail. It will also work from what you already know and connect it to things you don’t.

A NLP Study System

Very briefly here is a typical NLP approach to a study system. Whilst they are not strictly NLP Books there are lots of Accelerated Learning books that can flesh out this system for you.  Also a good NLP Practitioner would find this system almost second nature.

• Get yourself in to a good learning state
• Work out your overall study goals including motivation, markers for success and visualising the future
• Mindmap your current knowledge of the subject and key questions you want answered, this might include looking at past papers if studying for exams
• Then start drilling down in to detail always mindmapping and searching for connections between things.

Paul Scheele’s Photoreading book is a great system for taking all the information out of a book and sticking it in your head very quickly. You really want to go on a NLP Practitioner Course to develop these ideas to the full, but just using the process Paul has written up in his book will give you a flying start to how to study from books efficiently.

Study in small chunks that are smaller than your attention span with five minute breaks in between. Start each chunk with a review of where you are and what the session outcomes are, end each chunk with a review of what you have covered and if you have met the session goals. Do all this in a good learning state and enjoy doing it.

There is a whole lot more that can be said about accelerated learning. We have not covered modelling or deep trance identifying. I can’t easily write down how to build and anchor an ideal learning state. For these sorts of things you might want to see a good NLP Practitioner to lead you through them…or why not book on a good NLP Practitioner Course that will give you not only these skills but also the ability to apply them to any type of situation.