The NLP Company » NLP Rapport http://www.thenlpcompany.com Free NLP Techniques, Persuasion Techniques, Conversational Hypnosis Fri, 31 May 2013 06:38:13 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.5.1 How to Deliver an NLP Bitch Slap to the Most Deserving http://www.thenlpcompany.com/how-to-deliver-an-nlp-bitch-slap-to-the-most-deserving/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=how-to-deliver-an-nlp-bitch-slap-to-the-most-deserving http://www.thenlpcompany.com/how-to-deliver-an-nlp-bitch-slap-to-the-most-deserving/#comments Thu, 28 Mar 2013 06:54:00 +0000 Rintu Basu http://www.thenlpcompany.com/?p=5365 Some of the lentil sandwich munching brigade live in a world of sweetness and light where everyone spends their life hugging each other. For the rest of us we don’t always get on and sometimes a verbal bitch slap is what people need. This article is about how you can use a bit of NLP to sharpen the business end of the angry stick when you feel that someone needs a good poke.

A recent email I received spurred me to write a little about dealing with subtle aggression. If you have a difficult person in your life that is never quite openly abusive but is constantly putting you down in small ways this article may help.

Subtle Aggressionbatman

People that you interact with frequently, like family members or co-workers, can easily use patronising words and phrases together that taken on an individual basis may not mean anything. But when you put all the instances together they form a subtly aggressive attack on you.

These sorts of attacks are notoriously difficult to deal with because if you get angry they will most likely respond with things like:

  • “Your blowing it out of proportion.”
  • “It’s only a joke.”
  • “You are too sensitive”

It can be a difficult thing to deal with because that one act on its own doesn’t seem like a big thing and it only becomes so once you see it in the context of other conversations.

Here is the email that I was sent:

 Hi Rintu,

Thank-you, i just brought the book (Persuasion Skills Black Book – Rintu)and am looking forward to reading it!! The main thing for me is to be able to handle people that are being quite patronising with their words and doing their best to belittle me….i am not necessarily interested in engaging with ‘this person’ for long but just enough to stop them coming out with more insulting or put down comments!! It is a family member. Is there any particular pattern that is more specific for that? For example, if i voice my opinion, he will say prove it or where did you get that information from and invalidate my opinion or pretty much most things I say.

Can you suggest anything for me?

Thanks a lot, from M

A Process to Tackle the Problem

Here is the process:

State Management

The first thing you need to do is keep hold of your emotions. They are doing this to get an emotional response, so let’s start by denying them that. Also by keeping hold of your emotions you are able to think and use your skills more effectively.

Here is one way I personally do this. I imagine myself as a stealthy crouching tiger just stalking my prey. I know if I keep calm and clear headed just waiting for the right moment the person that is doing the attacking is going to get seriously mauled and it will be me doing it.

I like this imagery because it gives me back the psychological edge that the person was seeking to deny me. I am now stalking my victim rather than reacting to whatever they said.

Pause

It may take you a moment to get a grip of your emotions and that is great. Just pause, ideally just look at the space between their eyebrows as you pause. By staring at this point it looks like you are making eye contact, but obviously you aren’t quite. This is good for you because not making eye contact means it doesn’t get any more intense for you. But for the person you are just about to deal with the situation is starting to ramp up.

Remember they are looking for an emotional reaction from you. What they have got is you holding their eye contact without giving them anything. If you can keep looking unemotionally at that space between the eyebrows until it feels really uncomfortable and then count slowly to ten before speaking. If you manage this, and it is easy with just a little practice, I will guarantee that the other person will start to speak again. It is almost impossible to keep that void in conversation.

Reflect the Offending Behaviour Back and Ask for an Explanation

Depending on how forceful you want to be either stop them from saying anything else or let them say whatever without responding and let them run out of steam. Then use the super redefine pattern to get to the heart of the matter. Here are a couple of examples of the whole phrase getting more extreme as we go:

I agree you want me to prove it and the issue isn’t my having to prove anything. It is about you explaining why you think I should have to justify anything to you at all. Explain to me what makes you think that is acceptable behaviour.

I agree that you need more information on how I form my opinions and the issue isn’t the information you need but how is it that you have so low self-esteem that you need to try to put me down constantly. Where did your low self-esteem come from?

I agree proof is useful and the issue isn’t about proving my point, it is about explaining why you constantly need to prove that you have no social skills. How have you managed to grow up without developing proper social skills?

Toning it Down a Bit

I agree that these examples might seem a bit extreme and the issue is not about the language and is everything about the pattern allowing you to deflect from they are talking about and point directly to the heart of the matter. And then by asking a question about that heart creates a totally different conversation that is focused on their behaviour.

And trust me this will make them squirm. Especially if you keep using the pattern as they try to get away from discussing their behaviour. My favourite way of doing this is to keep repeating the pattern but getting more extreme as I go just like the above example.

Remember I am not trying to be conciliatory here. And just because I am choosing to deal with this in an adversarial, almost confrontational manner doesn’t mean that you can’t turn this into something much more collaborative and reconciliatory for example:

I can see that proof is important to you and before we discuss that I would like you to be aware of the impact that your behaviour is having on me. Let’s discuss how you can talk to me without me feeling like I am being attacked.

You can find this and many more patterns in the international bestselling Persuasion Skills Black Book. But the key that really makes this work is the state management and emotional handling skills. The Persuasion Skills on Steroids Deconstructed course gives you emotion and state control techniques as well as a method of developing a persuasive personality that can handle stressful environments like when you are being bullied. Click Through and find out more here.

 

 

]]> http://www.thenlpcompany.com/how-to-deliver-an-nlp-bitch-slap-to-the-most-deserving/feed/ 1 More Questions About Pattern Interrupts http://www.thenlpcompany.com/more-questions-about-pattern-interrupts/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=more-questions-about-pattern-interrupts http://www.thenlpcompany.com/more-questions-about-pattern-interrupts/#comments Thu, 30 Aug 2012 06:19:00 +0000 Rintu Basu http://www.thenlpcompany.com/?p=4475 I’ve had a lot of response to my last article about using a pattern interrupt to drop someone into an instant state of suggestibility. This article will give you more ideas about how you can develop this skill.

Asking the Right Questions

The original article was about how I used a specific pattern to  develop a trance state  very quickly. The article is really about watching and timing. In NLP jargon, having the sensory acuity to  notice what you have got  and then the using it. Here is the article if you didn’t  read it initially.

Asking about the details on how  you create patterns, if they need to rhyme or what sort of voice inflection you should use doesn’t quite  hit the right point. The issue is not the detail of the interrupt, the issue is doing something that interrupts the subject’s flow and then inserting a new direction in the pause between thoughts.

Applying Pattern Interrupts in Sales

I was asked how I would use this approach in sales. So here is an article I wrote a while ago deconstructing various approaches to a specific objection including a pattern interrupt.

When I was developing my coaching practice one approach I used frequently to interrupt people’s programming would be to refuse to sell them my coaching programme until they had jumped through some hoops for me. It used to start from when they told me I was expensive. The pattern went something like,

“That’s right I am expensive, it’s because I deliver XYZ and you will find very few coaches can do this. But I don’t want you to buy from me until you recognise just how much value you get from me, so I want you to call some of the other coaches in the area, ask them these questions and find out that they don’t provide the solutions that I can give you. Once you have called a few and recognised how great a result you can get from me come back and we can discuss booking you on to the programme.”

You may want to explore the embedded commands and presuppositions that are running through this pattern as well. I agree I would lose a few by taking this approach but the quality of clients I used to work with was terrific and they would often be begging to work with me.

 But What Really Makes It Work

You might recognise that I don’t write articles about every time I use my NLP persuasion skills. I usually only write about incidents where I can demonstrate a good learning point. So you don’t know how many times I try things like this and fail completely, have a partial success or even how often it works.

What I can say is that the key is persistence, flexibility and sensory acuity. Here is an article I wrote a while ago where I took several bits at the apple and eventually got it to work. In this article I fully deconstruct what I am doing with the shop keeper and take you through the three times I applied different patterns before he eventually handed over the money. Just click the photograph and read the article here:

And here is a follow up article where amnesia was created accidentally, but created so strongly even the witnesses were starting to lose their confidence in what they saw happening. Just click the photograph and read the article here:

Crime Scene Investigations

And finally if you want to hear an extremely funny but masterful version of how far you can take this approach take a look here:

The Difference that Makes the Difference

If you have not already noticed the various articles all eventually point to the two key issues being:

  1. Sensory Acuity – Noticing what is happening in terms of the programme your subject is running
  2. Flexibility – Being able to respond to their programme and nudge it in the direction you want them to go in

Now the issue is not about learning some fancy pattern or technique but installing an attitude where you automatically use your persuasion skills to create these results.

On the Persuasion Skills on Steroids Deconstructed download programme you will see me talk through how you can install a highly hypnotic personality. You will see me do this with a student on the course and you will have my notes on how you can do that for yourself.

But that is only a small part of the Persuasion Skills on Steroids Deconstructed Course. You can click through and read more about it here:

 

 

 

]]> http://www.thenlpcompany.com/more-questions-about-pattern-interrupts/feed/ 0 How To Use NLP Techniques to Lead People http://www.thenlpcompany.com/how-to-use-nlp-techniques-to-lead-people/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=how-to-use-nlp-techniques-to-lead-people http://www.thenlpcompany.com/how-to-use-nlp-techniques-to-lead-people/#comments Tue, 28 Aug 2012 14:17:24 +0000 Rintu Basu http://www.thenlpcompany.com/?p=4454 In this article we explore an alternative to traditional rapport, replacing it with a pace and lead pattern to bypass a person’s critical faculties and lead them directly to where you want them to go.

NLP Techniques using Pattern Interrupts

Have you ever had the experience of being led down a path that you are not sure of but find yourself following anyway? There are a number of ways of doing this and in this article we will explore a pattern interrupt followed by pacing and leading to get people to follow you.

Getting People in the Right Trance

This approach is amazingly effective for one specific reason. People are walking around in their own trance all the time. If you can interrupt that flow it is easy to build rapport and they will follow you anywhere. Let me tell you the story and then we will deconstruct what is going on and show you how you can use this general approach.

In Glasgow We Make Our Own Entertainment

Yesterday morning I was stood in my local coffee shop waiting thinking about some of the patterns I am going to deliver on my new NLP Course. I also had in my mind a thread a student of one of my advanced courses had set up in the practice group. So I was in a mind to play with some ideas.

I decided I wanted to see if I could use a pattern interrupt and follow it with a suggestion or two to get someone to do something unexpected. On the thread with my advanced students we were discussing about slowing down to allow the subject to get into your trance and I was of the opinion that it was about timing rather than speed. Hence I was looking for a rapid example.

I live in Glasgow so it was a dark, rainy morning as I was mulling these ideas over waiting for my drink. I was just picking up my coffee to take back to the office and I thought a nice enough challenge would be to get someone in the coffee shop to walk out into the rain with me.

As I was stood at the counter waiting for my coffee I was scanning the other customers looking for a subject. I decided on a young man stood with his back to me but just in front and to my left. I didn’t really have any criteria and only picked him because he was stood in the right place for what I was planning and also that he placed his order shortly after me. As it was our coffees were served almost simultaneously. He had two proper mugs so it was clear he was staying in the coffee shop with a friend.

As I picked up my coffee I stepped in a little so I was stood next to him and I said,” Tickle your arse with a feather!”

As I expected he did this double take and said, “What?”

I replied, “I said it’s particularly nasty weather.” I paused as he went inside to process what was happening. As he started to go into that trance I quickly followed up with, “Come on, follow me and I’ll show you.” I gently grabbed him by the elbow and led him out of the shop into the rain. He was stood in the middle of Buchanan Street in the pouring rain with a cup of coffee in each hand before he even started coming out of trance.

As I left him I just said, “See, I told you it was raining,” I did go back later in the day and he had moved on so I don’t think there was any lasting damage to him.

NLP, the Art and Science of Getting People Damp

At the beginning our subject is in his own coffee trance and has his expectations of how his life is working. All of a sudden we have thrown a rather bizarre spanner in those works. This is why sometimes people don’t notice crimes happening right in front of them. Because the experience is so far outside their normal expectations their unconscious minds sometimes blocks it out instead of dealing with it.

In this case our subject’s mind does not have that opportunity to block so he has to go inside to process what is going on. As he is doing that I give him some direct commands framed as if I am giving him the solution to the confusion he is in i.e. Follow Me, I’ll Show You (the solution to this strange situation). The poor guy inevitably follows me still trying to process the weather related trance he is getting himself into. Due to the speed of execution I have him outside in the rain before he has got close to processing what is going on.

Why do you want to know how to do this?

You may not want to terrorise people in coffee shops but consider the general approach in a slightly different way.

  • Take people out of their existing trance
  • Stack rapport, make suggestions.
  • Lead them to a more resourceful trance

As a coach, trainer and author I often start by breaking the old pattern and lead to a new resource. For example this article you are reading.

Imagine a client coming to you stuck with their thinking about their problem. You then say or do something that shocks them out of that thinking and in the pause between thoughts you shovel in a load of more resourceful ideas, concepts and beliefs before leading them out to talking about how great they will feel as they start thinking about solutions to the problem.

Please note the presuppositions in the last line above. Feeling great when they start thinking about solutions…not when they get a solution…you may as well feel good about starting as well as finding the solution.

As a sales professional you might interrupt a prospect’s objection trance and lead them to a problem solving trance instead. In fact anywhere where there is an initial unhelpful trance occurring this general approach will work.

How Can You Learn to Do this Sort of Thing?

If you want to learn about how to use hypnotic persuasion skills then the best place to start is Persuasion Skills on Steroids Deconstructed. You can click through and find out more here:

If you prefer live training courses be sure to check out my new NLP Practitioner Course in Canterbury. Click through and find out more here:

]]> http://www.thenlpcompany.com/how-to-use-nlp-techniques-to-lead-people/feed/ 0 Hypnotic Pacing and Leading Patterns http://www.thenlpcompany.com/hypnotic-pacing-and-leading-patterns/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=hypnotic-pacing-and-leading-patterns http://www.thenlpcompany.com/hypnotic-pacing-and-leading-patterns/#comments Tue, 07 Feb 2012 07:31:33 +0000 Rintu Basu http://www.thenlpcompany.com/?p=3196 My friend and fellow hypnotist Joshua Houghton asked me if I would write an article for his blog about pacing and leading patterns. These sorts of patterns can be the most covert and powerful patterns that you can get. They are also some of the most fun.

 Covert Persuasion Techniques

If you saw the interview with Marcus last week you will already know I like pacing and leading patterns. If you didn’t catch that interview then you can see it here.

Having seen the interview you probably understand just how flexible these patterns are and you just have to use your creativity to lead people to where you want them to go. As you read through this and start to think about different ways you might use these types of patterns you might want to look through a few more examples. And luckily for you Joshua asked me to write an article for his website. You can find a different slant on pacing and leading patterns when you read the article here.

 

If you like the interview with Marcus let him know by leaving a comment.

 

If you like the article on whatsonmybrain.com let Joshua know by leaving a comment.

]]> http://www.thenlpcompany.com/hypnotic-pacing-and-leading-patterns/feed/ 0 Jedi Persuasion Techniques with Your Charisma Coach Marcus Oakey http://www.thenlpcompany.com/jedi-persuasion-techniques-with-your-charisma-coach-marcus-oakey/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=jedi-persuasion-techniques-with-your-charisma-coach-marcus-oakey http://www.thenlpcompany.com/jedi-persuasion-techniques-with-your-charisma-coach-marcus-oakey/#comments Thu, 02 Feb 2012 07:37:05 +0000 Rintu Basu http://www.thenlpcompany.com/?p=3180 Last month Marcus Oakey interviewed me for his website. In this article you will get an opportunity to see the interview, work through some of the language patterns and notice all the spatial anchors I was using.

Meeting Interesting People

At the beginning of the year I had the opportunity to meet Marcus Oakey the author of YourCharismaCoach.com as we were both delivering some training on Hypnotic Transformations Live. At the time Marcus asked and I readily agreed to be interviewed for his website.

I highly recommend that you go to YourCharismaCoach.com and download the free eBook. Marcus has a lot of really good things to say. Even someone as jaded, cynical and long in the tooth as I have learned loads from him. For me the best thing about Marcus is not the loads of unique clever material that he has, it is that he completely walks his talk.

Unconscious Competence of Persuasion Patterns

At YourCharismaCoach.com you will also find the video interview along with a transcript. What you need to recognise about this video is that Marcus has caught me in full on training mode so I am still bubbling with patterns. Have a listen to the language I am using and notice just how many patterns I am going through. Then have a look at the transcript and notice a few more.

Once you have finished with that have a watch and notice the spatial anchors that I am using. Throughout this video I have a lot of rapport with Marcus so you can see how much impact those anchors are having on both of us. But my personal favourite occurs around 6 minutes 20 seconds.

At this point we are discussing awareness patterns and yes sets. I have already cycled through several yes sets explaining how they are used in sales. At the 6 mins 20 secs mark I am starting to explain how hypnotists use these patterns. I’ve already got Marcus used to how I am implying trance with my hands and here you can see me use the spatial anchors to take him there along with my language and voice. It is a shame we didn’t have time for a longer interview as I think I could have made him fall out of his chair within a few minutes of this point in the interview. Here is the link to the transcript and the video.

 Remember there is a transcript of this video on Marcus’ site as well. And while you are there sign up to his newsletter and definitely get his free eBook. You will be glad that you did.

If you want to learn these patterns and develop these techniques the easiest way to do it is to subscribe to the Advanced Persuasion Patterns course. You can find out more here.

 

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