NLP Techniques for the Impatient

I have been studying Hypnosis, Accelerated Learning and related topics including NLP since I was fifteen years old. I was a really impatient teenager and wanted to learn everything fast, in double quick time. I have not got any less patience as I have got older. When I started getting into the whole coaching malarkey I wanted a system where I could assist a client to make dramatic changes instantly. The vision I had in my head was a client would come in with a presenting problem and leave after a short session having made dramatic changes. NLP is great for this sort of thing. And having that sort of mindset I spent a lot of time developing techniques to really create fast changes with clients. But as my experience grew I discovered that a lot of deep changes can be made with people easily if they didn’t know it was happening.

People are Invested in their Problems

Reading that headline and thinking about the statement will be enough for you to recognise how true this is. Because people can never truly see anything except through their own eyes it makes them feel like their problems are bigger, better and more deep seated than anyone else’s. This is the root of all the “man flu” issues. We also know that the reality is a little different and having a different view on the problem is what keeps it in perspective. Using this idea I developed a whole slew of techniques where I would covertly blow out the problem conversationally.

Destroying My Coaching Business

Prospects would phone be and I would start with something like this; “Before we agree to work together I would like to ask you some questions to find out if you and your problem are a suitable for my approach.” I would then under the guise of assessing their suitability start working on the problem. Most of the time it would take me a few minutes of chatting and asking questions to take the problem away from them. I would then find out that they didn’t feel the need to book my coaching services. At one point I got so desperate that I would still blow people’s problems out (I just couldn’t help myself) but then I would try to put just a little bit of it back so they would book a coaching session with me. But as I got better and I developed more techniques I found I got more dramatic results in shorter time. And I enjoy watching people with deep seated problems that they have had for a long time notice that the problem has suddenly vanished. And I love developing these processes. The truth is it doesn’t always work and some stuff need / takes time to work on. But those were never the clients I wanted except when I was working on another way of accelerating the process. Eventually I got to the point where I am today where I take on just a few coaching clients for the practice and joy of working with them or if they have interesting problems. But most of the time I am busy with other things.

And then the Phone Rang

Every now and again I would answer the phone to someone that wants some help and I would forget that I don’t really do this stuff anymore and I would get really curious about their problem to the point where they will just blow it out completely. This happened to me last month and I asked Jane (name changed for anonymity) to briefly write up the experience from her perspective:

How do I spend my time now?

So having developed tools and techniques that covertly blow out people’s problems…can you imagine the joy I have when I get the opportunity to do some of this stuff with a random stranger in a pub?.. I teach people how to do this sort of thing. Here are some of the ways some of my students are using the tools and techniques I have developed:

• Teachers and trainers are blowing out the fear of failure in groups of students
• Coaches, therapists and change workers taking out the presenting problems before they “start” their session
• Job Seekers reframe the holes in their qualifications and experience as key strengths
• Sales professionals undercutting objections and creating better buying opportunities
• Parents developing self-esteem and confidence in their children just by asking how their day went

Right here is a short interview from Carol Seaborne about how she is using these tools and techniques in her practice, her business and her life. Just click through the link in the picture to find out what impact learning these skills has had.     If you want to learn how to develop these skills for yourself then click through and read about the NLP course right here.

NLP is About Modelling What Works

There is a specific play in poker that is a great model for making sure that things go your way. Let me explain the poker move first and then we will move it in to how it works for 121 therapy / coaching / persuasion situations.

If you are on the Persuasion Skills on Steroids Deconstructed Course you might want to analyse this article in terms of the covert persuasion tactics that are running through it. If you are on the Advanced Persuasion Patterns Course have a look at how the metaphors are constructed and the processes I am installing in the reader. As always read first for content, then for process and at least once more with the, “How can I use this?” question running.

 Poker is a Unique NLP Accelerated Learning Environment

Here is a fairly normal technique used by poker players that has great uses both in and outside a card room. It is a way of winning even when you have a losing hand. The first part starts by having a certain type of image.

In poker a tight player is one that only plays when they have good cards or the right situation. In general this is a good image to have and it makes you appear more threatening when you do play a hand. So long as people have not seen you play too often you can create a tight image just by not playing many hands for a while.

You then wait for the right situation and the right cards although the cards don’t really matter. The right situation is when you are one of the last to act, several people have bet but not raised. You pretend to look at your cards and make a substantial bet.

You may win the pot right there as you might have frightened the other players away. But let’s assume that one or more players have called your bet and stayed in the hand. The next three cards are dealt and then there is another round of betting.

Now if one of the other players bets you might actually have to look at your hand and see if you are connected and then play a different strategy. But to show you the rest of the technique let us assume that the other players don’t bet. Regardless of your hand you put out another big bet. The other players should fold and let you have the pot.

If they match or raise you then you know that they have a good hand and you then need to look at and think about the hand you are actually playing. But if they have not connected then you will win the hand right there. This play is called continuation betting. Let’s look at why this works.

Two Ways to Win, Make the Change or Collect the Information

At the beginning you are looking for a situation where you represent the authority on the table – remember tight player, last to act after you have all the information from the other players, no one has raised (so they have weak hands). You raise the bet signifying that you have a winning hand. It doesn’t matter what you have, you have represented strength whilst everyone else is showing weakness. You might win the pot outright at this stage because of this.

After the next three cards come down there is another round of betting. If no one bets again they are signifying weakness. By making a substantial bet again you are making it very difficult for anyone to stay in unless they have actually made a big hand. Either way you are in a strong position, they either concede the hand to you or they tell you that they have a strong hand and you can make a decision based on that. The statistics say most starting hands are weak by the second round of betting, obviously you are representing the lucky position where your good starting hand has got even better.

By the second round of betting you have had two opportunities to win the pot and if you don’t you will have had a lot of good information on the other players that are still in the hand. And remember this is completely independent of the hand you have been dealt. Your only issue is watching the other players and assessing if they have a good hand or not.

Let Go of What is in Your Hand

Collect Information on What Other People Have in Their’s

Let’s translate this to outside a poker room into another type of situation.

Imagine a situation as a coach or therapist and you make your client work really hard even before they see you. Perhaps you telephone screen them and they have to submit some homework on the relevant issue before they are allowed to book the appointment. And throughout this you are constantly reinforcing the idea that you are very busy and in demand so they have to be really serious about wanting this result as well being prepared to work really hard etc.

Once in the room you start by asking them to tell you about the homework that you had set them. As soon as you can confirm they have done any of it you ask them based on the homework they have been doing what has changed about the problem. If they have not done any of the homework you might ask them what has changed so they no longer felt the need to do the homework.

Please note the frames and the presuppostions in both responses are the same and we don’t care what they say because we have it covered either way. NLP Jargon Junkies would call this a double bind.

That was your first bite at stacking the deck for your client. Perhaps as you then get into the session you suggest a technique to try. Check the language in this introduction;

Obviously I have stripped a lot of the fluff away so that you can see the patterns cleanly. So this is now another stacking of presuppositions in favour of your client changing. Once you have had a go at the technique you might just ask the “change” question again; “Now we have completed the technique, what has changed for you?”

If things have changed then you ratify and make the change complete. If they say nothing has changed you might start a whole new set of patterns. For example, “That’s right you haven’t noticed any change yet. That’s because we have to do xyz to complete the process and then you will notice that you are (insert the changes that you want them to see). If that makes sense (pause until they nod or say yes) let’s get on with completing the change.” ”

I am hoping that you can see how I am stacking the deck in favour of my client making the change again. It doesn’t matter how your client answers the question they will still be moving down the path to change.

The whole point is that so long as you keep your client going down the path eventually they will have to concede and make the change or give you more information as to what is stopping them at which point you just deal with the objection.

Deconstruct What Works and Ask Yourself; “How Else Can I Use That? “

You may have recognised that I have taken the reader through a sequence of representations and that there is more going on in this article than just the simple imparting of some information.

There are several levels of content. For example there is the content about playing poker, the content of how you can handle coaching or therapy clients, there is content about the specific language patterns that I use. There is a deeper level of content that is about how I am using a poker metaphor to explain a coaching or therapy technique. And then there is the level of content that is about how I am explaining the more covert elements of this article. If you like learning on multiple levels then the Persuasion Skills on Steroids Deconstructed Course is a perfect way to learn. Find out more about it here:

The EnTrance to an Empowered Self Image

You might already recognise the fact that all the meaning you encode on your world is only created inside your head. For example let’s say a person misses their train to work. They might take this to mean that

• They are so disorganised that they don’t deserve to have a decent job.
• They deserve to take the day off because they are so hard worked that they can’t get to the station in good time.
• The train company doesn’t run an efficient service
• It as a sign that they should change jobs.

I guess you can think of a lot more as well. As you can see this all of these meanings are created inside the head of the person and none of it has any real existence outside their head. The only thing that is “real” is the fact that they missed the train. Everything else is meaning that the person has placed on the event.

The Gravity of Beliefs

The logical extension to this is that all our beliefs are the meanings that we create from emotionally charged events or from repeat viewings of similar events. For example I know gravity exists because every time without fail that I try to pick up both feet from the floor at the same time I fall over. On the same grounds I have a belief that falling over hurts. I only had to fall over once to form this belief because it was a significant emotional event the first time it happened. In this way I have encoded meaning to many things that have occurred in life.

The gravity and falling over hurts beliefs perhaps might not need changing but what if through some set of circumstance through your life you created any of these beliefs:

• I don’t deserve a good job / a loving relationship / a healthy body
• I will never be good at cooking / maths / sports / my job
• Money is the root of all evil
• All (x) are (y) eg. All tradesmen are crooks, all men are rapists etc.
• Spiders are scary
• I could never talk to a crowd

Again all these beliefs could be created through a sequence of events, but they are all just created in your head. Think of the power you would have if you could change these beliefs in yourself, think of the power you could have if you could help others change their beliefs as well. Some might find this a daunting task, but the reality is that many beliefs can be changed quickly and easily. This video will show you how this is possible:

If you want to know how to do this overtly for yourself or with clients as well as covertly in a persuasion context such as sales, dating, management, parenting the place to learn is Advanced Persuasion Patterns, the most comprehensive download course on hypnotic persuasion skills. Click through and find out more:

 Covert Persuasion Techniques

If you saw the interview with Marcus last week you will already know I like pacing and leading patterns. If you didn’t catch that interview then you can see it here.

Having seen the interview you probably understand just how flexible these patterns are and you just have to use your creativity to lead people to where you want them to go. As you read through this and start to think about different ways you might use these types of patterns you might want to look through a few more examples. And luckily for you Joshua asked me to write an article for his website. You can find a different slant on pacing and leading patterns when you read the article here.

If you like the interview with Marcus let him know by leaving a comment.

If you like the article on whatsonmybrain.com let Joshua know by leaving a comment.

Motivation and Persuasion Techniques

Watch the news and you will be told the world is in economic meltdown. This time of year is notorious for depression, anxiety and just generally feeling down. This is in part due to long, cold winter nights and getting over the festive season. Add in the debts the festive season brings up, the struggling with New Year Resolutions that you were forced into by some well meaning loved one and having to go back to work.

Depressing Times

Given all this the question has to be, “Can we turn this around and even if we could why bother?”

I would rather be happily in debt than just in debt 

The key issue is really that we put the meaning on the things going on in our lives. For example a debt is just a debt…we choose how we feel about that debt based on background, experience and a whole host of other factors. This is why two people in the same situation can react so differently.

One way we provide that meaning is through constantly talking to ourselves in our heads. Often though this voice does not say supportive and helpful things. Consider the implications of having someone with you twenty four hours a day constantly whispering nasty unhelpful things to you and constantly criticizing everything you do. If you could would change that voice? 

Persuasion Techniques to Get the Perfect Life

Often when I talk to people about persuasion techniques they limit themselves to this crazy idea of getting people to do things against their will. Yet I have an idea that works a little differently about persuasion.

How about if I used my persuasion skills to motivate people to do what is best for them. I can then associate the things I want them to do for me to what is best for them. A win / win situation.

Motivation and Persuasion

Now if you are with me on this idea that persuasion skills are all about motivating people in a direction that is good for them. Would it make sense that these skills will work on you as much as anyone else. That means that you can use these skills to motivate yourself.

Improving Your Life by Learning Persuasion Techniques

One of the ten minute learning suggestions I make in the Persuasion Skills Black Book  Master Training Programme is to start using persuasion patterns on the voice in your head. As you start to persuade it to say better things you will find interesting things start to change about your approach to life. I also suggest that you start making up persuasion patterns to use on yourself and well as patterns to handle your own objections.

By thinking through these patterns you are already motivating yourself to do what is good for you. By using them on yourself you are also learning a huge amount about persuasion skills as well as what works and what needs work. You win on all counts.

 If you want to motivate yourself and get some astounding results for the New Year then The Persuasion Skills Black Book  Master Training Programme is a great place to start.