“How to become more conversational with hypnotic persuasion…”
Lesson 9 Using Coversational Covert Hypnotic Influencing Techniques…
The big thrust this week is becoming more conversational with your NLP persuasive language. Before we get to that there are a few points worth clearing up from last week. Some of you have pointed out that we are not doing much about non verbal communication or matching our subject. And you are right.
NLP Rapport Building Technique
Both of these are heavy duty subjects and really need an interactive, face to face approach to train properly, but let me send out a few pointers. To develop rapport you need to be matching and mirroring your subject both in language and in nonverbal signals. You can read a short article I wrote for Ezinearticles on Rapport Building Technique to get a basic idea. Also over time you will find more and more in the NLP Techniques section of my site. But really you need a NLP Practitioner Course to really understand the process for developing rapport non-verbally.
NLP Techniques, Perceptual Positions
If I can plan before hand for my persuasion encounter one of the things I will do is a Perceptual Positions exercise. I will imagine myself as my subject whether it is a group, individual or organisation. Obviously the better I know them the easier and more accurate this will be, but I will do it even when I have no clue about the person involved. The reason being is that it sets my unconscious mind to trying to think the way they do. I am looking to understand their beliefs, values, problems and benefits in the context of what I want them to do as well as generally matching their verbal and non-verbal language. All of this will help me greatly in a persuasion context.
NLP Language Pattern Delivery
I have said this before and I think it is so important that it bears saying again. Most people speak too fast and too high for real persuasion to work. Think, Barry White and you will have the idea. Also having the flexibility to slow right down, speed up, take your voice higher or lower makes a huge difference. All of these things are easily learnt…ten minutes a day in front of the mirror saying your patterns and you will have in within a week.
As a generally note starting slowly and speeding up give the impression of gaining energy or excitement. Going from fast to slow draws the energy out and can make people withdraw into themselves and is a great trance inducer.
Anyway onwards towards this weeks lesson…but before we do here is another script and analysis of the process. A couple of you have emailed in with particular scenarios. Here is my construction based on some of your personal situations.
NLP Leadership – Team Management
The situation I am thinking about is where I have to get my team to implement changes that they won’t like and see no benefit to…and I agree with them.
My thought process starts with what is the benefit to me / the team for implementing these changes…and I am going to hold to the only real benefit is that we wont lose our jobs if we implement the changes.
The sequence of events I might plan out might go something like:
- Set some frames / expectations [wary, hesitant]
- Announce the change [anger / frustration]
- Uncover benefits [begrudging agreement]
- Build team identity [sense of cohesion, support and identity]
- Negotiate roles / tasks [more motivated]
- Seal commitment / Future Pace [feeling better about the situation]
Now let’s add some more flesh to these bones:
- I have some announcements to make and we have some decisions to take. They are not as bad as the company going bankrupt and us being all being unemployed, but you won’t like them. Unfortunately we have no choice in this so we just have to deal with it. [Notice the anticipation loop and the use of very negative internal representations here (bankrupt…unemployed) I want the team to think the worst so they can breathe a sigh of relief when I actually tell them what needs to be done]
- It has been decided by our Board of Directors that the company is now going to have to (x) and we have been given the task of sorting it out. [I am deliberately deflecting the anger / frustration away from me and towards the Board here] This is non-negotiable, but what is negotiable is how we go about it [I am rolling straight from something they have no control over straight into something they can do deliberately to give them some sense of control if they are a very task focused team this might be enough to pull them together]
- The company is doing this because (unveil all the reasons that it is thought good for the company], but we know this won’t be good for us. Can we spend a few minutes discussing what we might gain from this? [Just in case I’ve missed anything and it gives them more control and I would rather facilitate from them the fact that they are being paid to do this job]
- A thought I have just had is that the issue is not what we have been asked to do, but the fact that as a team we perform well whether it is in our favour or not. I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t think I want to give the company the opportunity to say this failed because we didn’t put our support into it. What would you say to just getting this done with as little time and effort as possible so no one can say we haven’t given it our best shot? [etc. etc. on an NLP Practitioner Course I would show you how to leverage individual and team values to turn this into a rabble rousing speech…but I think you already have enough idea].
- [Not much to say here, just get them to decide which bits of what they are doing. Give them choice and get them the bits they would like most if possible and make sure that they commit publicly (see Cialdini’s book on influence if you need to know why.)]
- So we have decided it will take about four weeks to get this done. I am going to write the press release for it now and put it to our notice board so we all have a focus on the end result and we can look back on today as the start of the end of this project. [Finally I would put up the press release and make sure it details each person with the role / assignment they have agreed to.
Let us now move on to Conversation Management
Hypnotic Persuasive Conversations
So far we have really been looking at scripts and monologues. Conversations are not really like this as we have to give the other person an opportunity to speak and we have to connect what they say to what we are saying, on top of this we are now thinking on another level and you are noticing the sequences of internal representations, the emotional journey and looking for specific outcomes. Sounds like a tall order?
Let me start with the general process for a conversation. If you are managing the conversation, and if you are in a persuasion situation you should be managing the conversation, a good overall process would:
- Inform – Make a statement
- Invite – Ask for a response
- Acknowledge – makes sure that the other party knows you were listening to them
Here is a typical, making small talk at a party example:
- Inform – John always throws great parties
- Invite – How do you know him?
- Acknowledge – You know him from work.
- Inform – From what John says it seem a great place to work
- Invite – What do you do there?
- Acknowledge / Inform / Invite – Interesting job, how did you get to be doing that?
And so on. You might be thinking to yourself that this is a typical type of conversation and why am I making such a big deal about deconstructing the process. The answer is that by taking apart the process of conversing you now have a way of fitting various parts of a script into the conversation whilst keeping the flow. Let’s look at this conversation again but add in a few random state changes and patterns.
NLP Seduction Script, A Beginning
- Inform – I always get a great feeling about being invited to one of John’s parties because I know you get to meet such interesting people. [This is so sneaky, seems like an off hand compliment, but notice I have shifted the I to a You and if you are studying the non verbal elements here is where you would start anchoring stuff to yourself. Some of you have been spotting the embedded commands that appear occasionally in my language. For those of you that aren’t spotting them yet some of them are in bold through this conversation.]
- Invite – How do you know John?
- Acknowledge – From what he says it must be a great place to work.
- Inform – It seems like a place full of lively and exciting people. I am really interested in places where you can get excited and passionate about what you do.
- Invite – What is it about what you do that you can get really passionate about?
- Acknowledge – Wow, I didn’t realise how exciting filing can be.
- Inform – I was reading somewhere that passion like any other emotional state takes time to build to a peak. With me it is a slow burn. I first see something [if I have good rapport here I will replace something with someone] I think I am going to enjoy, I start thinking of the things that I find interesting about it / them and the feeling just starts in my stomach and just moves up getting more and more intense, until you just have to act on impulse.
- Invite – How do you experience it?
- Acknowledge / Inform / Invite – Your toes start to curl…I can imagine that. I wonder if different emotions have different feelings. What is the difference between passion and total desire for you?
And so on…
Don’t get to excited about this just yet. Let me explain what you have here first. In real simple terms, when you put some of the ideas about scripting together with this conversation management approach you now have a way of automatically steering the conversation in any way you want it to go. All you have to do is acknowledge the elements of the conversation that are heading the right way and use them to build the next frame.
This is powerful stuff and the first time I have ever deconstructed the process in writing. Treat it with the love, care and attention it deserves and it will serve you well.
So now we need to talk about how you are going to practice this and start integrating it into all of your conversations. The first thing I would suggest is let go of everything except the process.
Use the Inform, Invite, Acknowledge process to just guide a conversation. Spot how this happens naturally and then just start tinkering with it. Within a few days as you get more familiar with it gently start adding a few patterns and notice the reactions you are getting, if they are going the right way start accelerating them, if they are not going the right way switch directions.
Let go of any expectations except to see what will happen. The idea is that you are playing and practicing. As you start to build a library of patterns and phrases you will automatically find yourself going in to this mode and guiding conversations in the direction you want.
Next week is the end. The end of the beginning, there is much we have not yet covered and many new things to learn. We will talk about next steps and how you can keep your progress accelerating. We will talk about how you can use this sort of thinking to blow out your own issues. We will end with some more examples, scripts and applications and set you up for the future.
In the mean time find some mere mortals, listen to them flap their gums at you and gently steer them to a better way of life than they have ever experienced before.
See you in seven.
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