I hadn’t planned to write an article on New Year’s Day but a FaceBook friend gave me a great opportunity to unpack some really powerful material and I couldn’t resist. In this article you will discover techniques to get what you deserve even when bullies stand against you. As an added bonus you get some covert strategies on building self-esteem and ideas on elegantly and truthfully using metaphors. You also get Nazis, religious fanatics and badly parked cars. I don’t think we could squeeze any more excitement.
When teaching or marketing I only use real life stories and examples. I’ve seen lots of NLPers laughed out of training sessions, sales meetings and board rooms because they have started fantastical stories about slaying dragons, pulling swords from stones and, my personal favourite, skipping down yellow brick roads. The skipping metaphor was presented by a NLPer to a group of senior police officers as part of a training session, the trainer’s credibility didn’t survive the encounter.
The issue with this and the reason many NLPers seem comfortable with lying or just using imaginary stories is because they know how powerful a persuasion tool metaphors are but never learnt how to generate them from their own life experiences.
On the Advanced Persuasion Patterns course I show you a process you can use to generate hundreds of metaphors to:
- Illustrate points
- Take people into trance
- Change emotional states, processes and behaviours
- Build desire and anticipation
On the course I take you through the process so you learn to generate a library of stories from your own life (or using fantastical stories if you prefer) but more importantly you learn to be able to create stories for any situation you might face. Obviously the best way to create and use these metaphors is to think through them in advance, practice them and develop them over time – but after only a short amount of practice you will find yourself creating them on the move and in the moment to fit the situation and covertly embed the behaviour you want.
Recently I was accused on FaceBook of making up a story and it gave me the golden opportunity to demonstrate how you can generate metaphors, take people through a sequence of thoughts and point them in a particular direction. Normally you can do this very covertly but obviously this is constructed so you can see where it is going and how it is working. Here is the article:
Using NLP Techniques to Defend Yourself
This article is about how we sometimes drop our self-esteem and let ourselves be bullied. I wrote an article about a situation where I stood up for myself against a bully and one of my FaceBook friends thought I should allow my boundaries to be violated.
Violating Boundaries and a Matter of Self Esteem
One way that bullying works and permeates through our society is by a particular pattern that puts the bully’s rights above your own. Often it is not just the bully but also others that condones the behaviour. Let me give you a few examples.
One reason Hitler managed to goose-stepped his way through Europe is because in the beginning we thought of him as a silly little man with a bad haircut and funny moustache. Instead of standing up for ourselves we went through a process of appeasement than inevitably led him to take more and more until eventually the only response left was a violent one.
Because we generally don’t like confrontation it is easy to let people violate our boundaries, particularly when they and others minimise their behaviour. Have you ever heard any of these phrases?
- I was only joking
- They were just messing around
- No one meant any harm
- Let it go you are being over sensitive
- We were just having some fun
- Why do you have to take it out of proportion
- I think you are making too much of this
These are all phrases that can be used by the bully. More frighteningly they are often used by unaware people unintentionally supporting bullying behaviour.
We have a habit of using “because” statements to justify a lot of bullying behaviour. For example many religions get away with discriminating against women, homosexuals, different cultures and even each other BECAUSE it is god’s will / law, or BECAUSE it says in the holy book, or BECAUSE it is a sin or BECAUSE it offends me.
When challenged often the response is to minimise, contrast or deflect the behaviour. For example:
- I’m only practicing my faith
- But they sit in judgement of me
- So it is okay to violate my rights is it?
Let me make this plain imagine the CEO of a public company saying a supernatural being spoke to him through his dreams and he has rewritten the hiring policy to openly discriminate against women, homosexuals and anyone that doesn’t share his views. Religions seem to be able to get away with this and not enough people seem top find this strange behaviour to condone.
The original article was about using language patterns and balancing it against what you know about the other person’s motivations. It involved someone trying to steal a car parking space from me that he could see that I had been waiting for. You can see the original article here:
Here is what my FaceBook friend said:
Why didn’t you just give him the space? He had a wife and kids in the car and you didn’t. Ok I know, that wouldn’t have made a good story which I suspect is made up anyway. At least I hope it is. You come out looking a little churlish.
I’m not sure what it is about this story that makes it appear to not be the truth or why having a family gives him rights to bully me out of the space but I can say one of the reasons I developed this brand of Hypnotic Persuasion Skills is because I was bullied when I was younger. Honestly I wanted tools and techniques to ensure this never happens to me again and to make sure that I could hurt the perpetrators in ways that are more subtle and powerful than just physical violence.
One of the reasons I teach this material as openly as I do is so that you don’t have to face bullies either and if you do then you are well equipped for the situation. Here are a couple of ideas to support you standing up against people that are violating your boundaries.
Hypnotic Language Patterns and Bullies
There are lots of things you can do to deal with bullying behaviour. The two biggest points for me though is to recognise it when it is happening and stop it before the situation gets out of hand. When you feel like your boundaries have been violated just check out the situation and ask yourself if the perpetrator has the right to make you feel that way. If they don’t have the right then call attention to their behaviour, tell them what you would like them to do instead and stand your ground when they try to minimise the situation.
Learning a few language patterns can help. One of my favourites is using a comparison to call attention to the behaviour, “How does (x) mean (y)?” Here are a few examples:
- How does having a laugh mean you are allowed to make me feel violated?
- How does being a Christian / Muslim / Jew / mean it is okay to treat me like a second class citizen?
- How does having a family mean he should have extra rights over me?
When dealing with the supporters and they start minimising you could go for one of the super patterns to call them on their behaviour. For example:
“I agree you think that they are only having a laugh and the issue is not you supporting their bullying behaviour but how you are going to help build a supportive, friendly working environment. What can you say or do that will make that difference?”
Take this the right way, I would love to always come out with great patterns that put people in their place and deal with their bad behaviour. As you can see from my original article I don’t always get it right. What I can say is that with a little bit of practice you can really start putting together some strategies that will help in any situation where you need an extra edge. A great place to start would be the Advanced Persuasion Patterns course.
Meanwhile Back at the Story
At this point I would go into a little blurb about the download course but I will save that for the end of this article. If you have studied the Advanced Persuasion Patterns course you will be able to easily spot the structure and sets of patterns I am using throughout what is now effectively two articles looped together.
Taking everyday events that happen to you in life and turning them into a hypnotically persuasive metaphors is easy. On the Advanced Persuasion Patterns I give you a specific process to do just that and deconstruct it completely for you. Most NLPers after their course can usually make a stab at this.
What some people struggle with is the opposite end. Having a process, behaviour or state that you would like someone to change and then having to come up with an effective metaphor to covertly embed the changes is something that is seen to be difficult. My reality is that it is using the same story generating process but in reverse. You deconstruct what you want them to do and then search through your life looking for the story that hits those points in the right sequence. Once you understand my process you can use it either to take a story and find things to fit it to or to find a story to fit a specific covert persuasion situation.
Once you have done this a few times you will find it easy. In fact to the point where you are more likely to come up with three stories and loop them together into a trance induction as well. Whilst metaphors are an extremely powerful persuasion technique they are only a small fraction of the range of skills you will develop on the Advanced Persuasion Patterns Programme click through and find out more here.