I am asked this question a lot. Often it is just so one of my graduates can show off their new found values elicitation skills by trying to persuade me to give them a massive discount on something (great try Jason and I hope you realise paying for dinner was being let off lightly).
Why Are You So Passionate About Hypnotic Persuasion Skills?
Sometimes I am asked the question in the context of why I have an unusual approach to developing hypnotic persuasion skills. This article will give you an understanding of some of the things that make me passionate about developing and teaching these skills as well as what makes my approach different from most.
Trust me we are about to travel some dark roads. If you are one of those sweetness and light New Aging Tree Huggers that keep waving their Big Books of NLP Judgements at me you might be better off not reading the rest of this article. If you want to find out how nasty NLP Persuasion Skills can be and why I am prepared to teach those skills then here is a little window in to my past.
Have You Ever Been Bullied?
I am sure there are more racist times and places but as a young Indian growing up in the Home Counties during the 70’s and 80s life was sometimes complicated.
Here are just a few of the things that I didn’t really know how to handle. I had a process I used to go through weekly with a bunch of local skinheads. They would mouth off at me, I would mouth off at them in return. Then I would be used as a human punch bag.
I knew several local police officers by name because they were constantly stopping me whenever they saw me. I was told I was stopped because, “Your sort are always up to trouble.” None of them could remember how to pronounce my name from one week to the next. The one time I introduced them to my skinhead acquaintances I got arrested. Apparently it is an offence to be on the ground being kicked by a group of white youths.
My form teacher in high school regularly marked down my work because, in his words, “You cheated. A Paki is never going to be able to write an essay like that.” Nothing I could ever say or do would change his mind.
I don’t know if you have ever experienced a sense of hopeless desperation, being trapped and thinking that there is no escape from a situation? I am ashamed to admit there were times in my childhood when I desperately wished I was someone else…and more specifically white with English parents.
Developing an Attitude
As I read back the last few paragraphs it all sounds quite bleak, but I don’t want to give you that impression. I am street smart as well as academically bright. Even though I didn’t appreciate the culture, background and heritage my parents gave me at the time I was loved and cared for. I have always been blessed with great friends that have supported me through the best and worst of times. In short I had a great platform to learn how to deal with the bad stuff.
Over the years I have developed different ways of dealing with many of these things. I studied hard and I have studied smart. I found ways of raising my self-esteem so I could be proud of who I am and where I have come from. I found ways of hitting ring leaders so hard they would hesitate long enough for you to hit them again and again. And I don’t just mean this physically.
I found ways of changing beliefs, negotiating, and generally how to get out of trouble. Over the years I have got more sophisticated, I have mellowed and I am more likely to use my skills to find common ground, build rapport and change beliefs. But I am no angel; I have also studied and found really nasty and dark ways of using NLP and Hypnotic Persuasion.
Over the years I have done things with these skills that I am not proud of. I have done enough to know how these nasty patterns work. I have also done enough to understand how much damage you do to yourself if you use them in this way. I cannot in all honesty say I would not do this again. For example if I found any of the people from my youth again and had the opportunity I would happily install nightmares, blow out their core identity and strip them of their self-esteem. I might not overtly give you the strategies to do this but I sure enough give you the tools, processes and concepts to very easily figure it out for yourself.
One thing I have noticed about myself is that I am quick to rise to the defence of anyone that I think is being bullied. Somewhere I made a decision that I would not stand aside and let anyone suffer at the hands of bullies and bigots. This has been instrumental in some of my career choices. I have got myself into trouble, walked out of jobs and even been arrested defending against this sort of behaviour.
A More Useful Approach
I don’t know if you already recognise that constantly leaping in to rescue people is not a useful strategy for either the victims (if they actually are victims and it is not just my own prejudgement) or myself…particularly if it constantly gets me into trouble.
As I grew in my skills and my thinking I realised that if I was leaping to help “victims” I am just as much to blame for keeping them in victim mode. As a teenager there were times when I desperately wanted someone to sort the problem out for me. If that had happened I would not be who I am today, with the skills and the confidence that I have now.
It was not enough to have these skills. It wasn’t even enough to be able to teach these skills. I wanted to give people these skills in a way that you can use them in the most difficult circumstances. I want you to have all the pieces so you can choose to use them in whatever fashion suits you. I am not proud of some of the things I have done with these skills. I am not an “eye for an eye” type of person. That only leads to a blind population, but I have to admit there are times and places where I have done this and I suspect there may be times in the future where I may do it again.
What I am proud of is putting together a course where you can develop practical hypnotic language skills to get into or out of trouble as you decide. In the Advanced Persuasion Patterns Programme you will find lots of material about how you can have a dramatic impact on other people. You will find all the tools to construct patterns that can help people enormously or completely destroy them.
As you go through the course developing skills, options and creating new choices you may find yourself realising that most of the time you can deal with people without having to hurt them; whatever they have done. That said, sometimes I get great satisfaction from knowing that I have the choice and I would like to offer you that option as well.
But What if The Bad Guys Learn These Skills?
The sad fact is many of them already know how to do a lot of these things. Sometimes it is learnt behaviour, sometimes it is a natural ability and sometimes they study, practice and learn how to do this sort of thing. In all cases your best defence is understanding how they can manipulate situations to make you feel bad.
I could easily take a beating…the pain would always go away after a while. What I had difficulty with was how they made me feel. What I didn’t know then is how they created that situation, how easy it is to reverse it and how easy it is to instead of allowing the bad guys to control you just build your self-esteem and disconnect from their situations and frames.
The course has a limited number of places available and therefore there is often a waiting list to get a copy. At the moment there are a limited number of places but the doors will close on the course at close of play on Friday 28th January. If you are interested you can find out more about the course here.