This article deconstructs one of my most favourite patterns. The presuppositions inherent in the pattern mean that if the recipient takes on board the statement they will accept everything you have to say as the absolute truth. The pattern is flexible enough for you to use in any situation where you want an audience to totally accept what you have to say.
How to get them to believe it is the right thing to do?
This pattern is one I use consistently when I am training or coaching. I also use in many situations where I want people to totally accept what I am saying whilst appearing as if I am prepared to be challenged or argued with. My favourite part of this pattern is the bit where they agree to make the information their own and then accept it not because you say it but because they know it is true. Before I tell you the pattern let me explain why it is in my mind to deconstruct for you.
The Back Story
A while ago I had a brilliant opportunity to deliver a private persuasion training session for a couple of really skilled NLP Master Practitioners. What occurred was a stunning piece of content where I delivered some of my best material, demonstrated directly with them and messed about with a huge amount of covert persuasion material.
The best thing about it was you could see the patterns having a direct impact on the audience. Because there was only the two of them I could calibrate exactly to them and deliver patterns that visibly packed a punch. For example one of them snapping out of trance to exclaim, “Even talking about it is quite trance inducing.” He had no idea of the conversational trance induction I had been taking him through…but anyone watching would have seen exactly how I did it including the voice inflections marking out the embedded commands, the non-verbal body language that was deepening the trance and how I built my language patterns into the conversation so he had no choice but to slide into trance.
I already had their agreement to video the whole 110 minute session so I could release it as a learning tool. And then crushingly I managed to snatch defeat out of the jaws of victory. It was a really bright sunny day so we decided to record the whole session outside. None of us had realised that this would mean all that brilliant content would be competing with birds, aeroplanes, crying babies and motorbikes. The recording was very difficult to hear and extremely distracting.
I was not prepared to let go because I knew how good the content was. Susan, a graduate of the Advanced Persuasion Patterns Course who has transcribed all that audio material agreed to transcribe this recording. As a result we have gained a great learning tool.
Thanks to Susan We have a Brilliant Resource
I have taken Susan’s excellent transcription, added some notes deconstructing some of the “hidden” patterns that I didn’t explain to the audience at the time and added subtitles to the video. The audio quality is rubbish, there is no getting away from that but now there is the option of reading the transcription, finding the bits that interest you the most and then just watching a few seconds to see how I am using spatial anchors, or change my vice to hypnotic tonality or deliver an embedded command. I have even added notes to the transcription pointing out and deconstructing some of the bits I found interesting.
Hypnotic Language Patterns at their best
Here is one of my favourite patterns that I use a couple of times on this recording. This version I used about twelve minutes in:
“I don’t want you to accept what I am saying because I am saying it. I want you to take it apart, analyse it, realize how it works for you and then accept it because it is yours.”
Let’s just look at what this statement is actually saying. The first sentence when delivered correctly hits a great internal representations and embedded command “accept what I am saying” even though the statement appears to say the exact opposite. This is then qualified by the second sentence which gives the subject a series of instructions which also on the face of it appear to be good things to do. But notice the instructions not only ask you to analyse and test the information but to also work out how to use it and then accept it as information that you own.
To be completely clear the statement actually says, “Don’t accept my information because I say it, make the information yours and then own it because it is yours.” Rejecting the information or doing anything other than accepting it is not on a choice that is being offered. Is this sneaky or what?
In this situation I only touched this lightly because of the particular audience I had, but now let’s look at how you can use this in an even stronger fashion. Here are a few ideas:
Installing a process – A sales situation
“I don’t want you to buy my product just because I’ve told you about the benefits. I want you to checkout what I have to say, compare the benefits to your needs, realise how much better your business / life / relationship / bank balance is as soon as you start using the product. But for me that is not good enough yet, I want you to project out to a year in the future and see how useful the product is there perhaps seeing yourself recommending it to others because of how good it has been. Make sure you keep asking me questions and challenging me until you can see that future and then accept the product because you know it is the right thing for you.
Have another read of the above and notice the series of instructions I have given the prospect and how they are not given any other option but to follow what sounds like a reasonable process but has only one conclusion.
Leveraging a value for extra motivations – A Coaching Situation
Let’s say this particular client has values about being a good business manager. “The best business managers don’t accept things at face value. I work with many good managers but the best always challenge me, they don’t accept anything I have to say until they have tested it out for themselves. They tend to think through what I have to say, try it out, take it apart and put it back together in a way that gives them ownership and only when you have done that can you truly accept this as your own.”
Have another read of this and notice the I / You shift in the last part of the last sentence. The phrase starts by talking about good business managers as the subject but ends up talking about “you”. If you want to add an extra little bit of leverage you could end the statement with something like “And those are the only business managers that I really respect.”
Action rather than information – A Parenting Example
“I don’t want you to do your homework right now just because I am asking you. I want you to think about helping me out by getting it done so we can have supper early and then perhaps we can spend some time together doing (insert something they enjoy doing). As you think of that what would work for me is you doing your homework because it is what you want to do.”
By now you can figure out the embedded commands in this for yourself and also notice with this one we have added a benefit statement or sweetener as a conditional close (if you do x I will do y). This sort of pattern works well with teenagers that are going through a rebellious phase because you are switching the “do it because I say” to a “do it because you want to”. They might rebel against you but they will find it difficult to rebel against themselves.
I have one further example of this pattern to show you, but first let me tell you how you can get the transcript and recording.
Persuasion Patterns Deconstructed
I now have this recording with subtitles along with a transcription including notes where I deconstruct many of the patterns I use but I am not prepared to sell it. The audio quality is poor and I would not feel comfortable selling it. But what I can do is offer it out as a bonus. So if you want a recording of a covert persuasion skills training that is over 90 minutes long along with a complete transcription then it is included as part of the Advanced Persuasion Patterns course. Click through and find out more.