I only take on a few coaching clients every year and have dramatically scaled down my coaching practice over the years. The truth of the matter is I am not very good at it. This article is why I suck at coaching and how you can avoid the problems that I have.
NLP Techniques for the Impatient
I have been studying Hypnosis, Accelerated Learning and related topics including NLP since I was fifteen years old. I was a really impatient teenager and wanted to learn everything fast, in double quick time. I have not got any less patience as I have got older. When I started getting into the whole coaching malarkey I wanted a system where I could assist a client to make dramatic changes instantly. The vision I had in my head was a client would come in with a presenting problem and leave after a short session having made dramatic changes. NLP is great for this sort of thing. And having that sort of mindset I spent a lot of time developing techniques to really create fast changes with clients. But as my experience grew I discovered that a lot of deep changes can be made with people easily if they didn’t know it was happening.
People are Invested in their Problems
Reading that headline and thinking about the statement will be enough for you to recognise how true this is. Because people can never truly see anything except through their own eyes it makes them feel like their problems are bigger, better and more deep seated than anyone else’s. This is the root of all the “man flu” issues. We also know that the reality is a little different and having a different view on the problem is what keeps it in perspective. Using this idea I developed a whole slew of techniques where I would covertly blow out the problem conversationally.
Destroying My Coaching Business
Prospects would phone be and I would start with something like this; “Before we agree to work together I would like to ask you some questions to find out if you and your problem are a suitable for my approach.” I would then under the guise of assessing their suitability start working on the problem. Most of the time it would take me a few minutes of chatting and asking questions to take the problem away from them. I would then find out that they didn’t feel the need to book my coaching services. At one point I got so desperate that I would still blow people’s problems out (I just couldn’t help myself) but then I would try to put just a little bit of it back so they would book a coaching session with me. But as I got better and I developed more techniques I found I got more dramatic results in shorter time. And I enjoy watching people with deep seated problems that they have had for a long time notice that the problem has suddenly vanished. And I love developing these processes. The truth is it doesn’t always work and some stuff need / takes time to work on. But those were never the clients I wanted except when I was working on another way of accelerating the process. Eventually I got to the point where I am today where I take on just a few coaching clients for the practice and joy of working with them or if they have interesting problems. But most of the time I am busy with other things.
And then the Phone Rang
Every now and again I would answer the phone to someone that wants some help and I would forget that I don’t really do this stuff anymore and I would get really curious about their problem to the point where they will just blow it out completely. This happened to me last month and I asked Jane (name changed for anonymity) to briefly write up the experience from her perspective: [box color=”white” type=”round” icon=”thumbs_up”] I had been suffering from panic attacks for the best part of 18th mths. The panic attacks hit when I ever had to present in front of a group of people – in fact anytime anyone looked to me for information in a small or large group. This made for a very difficult working life and I became adept at avoiding presenting situations – which is quite the challenge when that really is a large part of my job. I am not sure why these attacks developed in the first place but assume it may have had something to do with having had 2 late miscarriages close together, as previous to this I carried out presentations expertly and really enjoyed them. As soon as I got up to speak my throat would literally close down and my breathing would go out of control and the sense of panic would pound in my chest. I knew something needed to be done and decided to seek some help. Rintu was recommended by a friend of mine in London. So I called him with the intention of making an appointment so see him face to face so that he could finally “cure” me of this terrible all-consuming affliction. What Rintu did though was chat to me over the phone asking me questions and getting the details of what occurred during the panic attacks etc. I was still waiting to get an appointment when he told me to go ahead and do the presentation that was planned for the following week. I didn’t feel overly confident that all would go well but I definitely didn’t feel as panicky thinking about it as I had previously so something has shifted. The presentation went extremely well and the several presentations since then have also gone well. I fact I am back to where I was before enjoying them and feeling very confident doing them. This has made a huge positive impact on my work life and I am eternally grateful to Rintu for freeing me from that terrible affliction. I would highly recommend Rintu to anyone who needed help with this or any other area they needed help with. [/box]
How do I spend my time now?
So having developed tools and techniques that covertly blow out people’s problems…can you imagine the joy I have when I get the opportunity to do some of this stuff with a random stranger in a pub?.. I teach people how to do this sort of thing. Here are some of the ways some of my students are using the tools and techniques I have developed:
- Teachers and trainers are blowing out the fear of failure in groups of students
- Coaches, therapists and change workers taking out the presenting problems before they “start” their session
- Job Seekers reframe the holes in their qualifications and experience as key strengths
- Sales professionals undercutting objections and creating better buying opportunities
- Parents developing self-esteem and confidence in their children just by asking how their day went
Right here is a short interview from Carol Seaborne about how she is using these tools and techniques in her practice, her business and her life. Just click through the link in the picture to find out what impact learning these skills has had. If you want to learn how to develop these skills for yourself then click through and read about the NLP course right here.