I sent John a cut down version of some material in the Advanced Persuasion Patterns course specifically related to developing the confidence to approach, flirt and date people. Here is his response.
Advance Persuasion Skills and the Fear of Faliure
Below is the information in full, but first here is John’s response to what I sent him:
That was awesome, Rintu…really awesome of you to provide that for me…you have given me much to go on…a strategy…I love the approach to going out and doing small chunks…just talking to random strangers, then building upon that to next get an emotion or blend in something random…and getting as much rejection as I can. You made it easy, understandable and clear…and that’s the way learning should be. That’s why I love your stuff.
Thanks so much-
This is a paragraph out of John’s original email that outlined the issue:
It’s funny. I listen to Kenrick and even you talk about doing this and saying that and stealing an anchor and it all sounds fun, but then when I get to the real world and fantasize about doing it with some stranger at a store just to try it out and get good at it, I get all jammed up with fear and lose the desire. Has to do with acceptance and being willing to fail and not be perfect?
The Hypnotic Persuasion Techniques address directly the problem of how to practice, the fear of failure / being caught out and talking to people in many different contexts including getting dates. Here is my response to John that prompted his great testimonial.
One quick thing that is worth trying is very small steps that are loaded with intent. Before you do anything tell yourself that you are going to do it, then do it. The steps can be as small as you like. For example you could say, before you read the next sentence that you will read the next sentence. And now you have. As you get used to doing this you can expand the idea in several different directions.
- Firstly making the steps bigger…I am going to become an evil master criminal and take over the worlds gummy bear production…obviously you will have to build up to this.
- Secondly loading other things into the intent…I am going to read the next sentence and fully understand the implications for me.
- Thirdly load emotional content into the intent…I am going to laugh out loud as I suddenly realise how simple and useful this is for me
And so on. I guess you already understand how this is just training your unconscious mind in working in a more focused and directed way. You might think this takes time to work…and you would be right, set your watch to go off at a random time every day and at that time spend the next ten minutes telling yourself what you are gong to do before doing it building more and more things into it as you go. Do this a couple of time a day and by the end of the week you will have a completely different perspective on how your mind works.
Okay, the big thing, and you are absolutely right, that holds you back is a desire to get things to work for you. All of my best results happen when I am not expecting it, don’t care about the result or I pay little attention because my automatic expectation is I will get the result. This works because you are relaxed and just detached from and anxiety of having to get the result. When I coach shy young men to go and get phone numbers from attractive women in nightclubs I usually set them this challenge:
Without being nasty, offensive or abusive your goal is to get as many rejections as possible. The usual result is that they spectacularly fail the challenge by getting several numbers. They also do get a few rejections…but who cares? Have a go.
The other thing that is happening is you might be taking on to big a step in one go. Trying breaking this down. Talk to some random strangers. Tomorrow talk to random strangers and switch the conversation to something bizarre (what’s your opinion on NASA using dwarfs as astronauts?). The day after elicit an emotion from random strangers (How do you feel about NASA using…)The following day elicit a specific emotion (What sort of tings get you really excited?). The day after elicit and bind and emotion to a context (What would get you all moist with excitement about realising you are quickly developing these skills?) After that just elicit, bind and future pace (How moist with excitement will you get when you wake up every morning with new ideas about how to develop your skills. I find that when you are in this zone ideas flash into your head at strange moments like every time you switch on a light switch. I might not be right and you don’t get excited that this is happening, but all the same you must on some level enjoy the feeling when you look back from the future knowing this all started from this moment…and so on).
Sorry for the repetition, you will find most of what I have written will appear in more depth on the persuasion skills course but I thought you could do with a condensed version of some of the stuff. Hope this helps.
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