Over the last two posts I have outlined how I used NLP Persuasion Techniques to build massive rapport with two strangers in a restaurant. This article is about how I accidentally set up the preconditions so that they decided to pay for the meal.
NLP Persuasion Skills – How to Use Preframes
Imagine this. If this is concept it so simple that I accidentally used it to get random strangers to pay for my meal…what could you get people that you know to pay for when you are using this deliberately?
In case you missed and of the previous articles leading to this point here are some links:
The Set Up and Developing the Foundation Rapport Skills
The Building the Initial Rapport through Conversation Management
Developing Rapport Using Time Scramble Hypnotic Language Patterns
Preframes, a Serious Point, Treat with Gravity
A really powerful element of persuasive techniques is a thing I will call presuppositions or preframes. My definition of a presupposition might be those things that exist around the conversation that are just automatically assumed to be true. A blatant example of a presupposition might be the existence of gravity. I am assuming the force of gravity is going to be in play all the time you are reading this. That is so much presupposed that I would not even think of mentioning it as part of a normal conversation.
If for some reason I had a different idea and that I thought somewhere in the middle of this conversation someone will turn off the force of gravity I might approach this conversation quite differently.
Meanwhile in the real world we operate from what we already presuppose about our world. We also preframe conversations or parts of conversations with new preframes. In the restaurant I accidentally set up an interesting dual reality preframe with my two dining guests.
Accidentally Setting Up Dual Reality
We had had a great evening, a good conversation over a good meal. As the evening was drawing to a close John and Martin were talking about moving on to a pub to carry on the evening. I was conscious of the fact that I was tired, had a full day of training for the next day and wanted to scribble some notes about the evening. Therefore I was trying to politely decline the invitation. The phrase I used several times was “I can’t afford it”.
I was meaning that I could afford the time or the energy but thinking back on the situation I think my dining partners were thinking I didn’t have the money to go out drinking. I had therefore added that as a preframe to the way they were thinking of me.
The Principle of Reciprocation
Robert Cialdini wrote a hugely influential and utterly brilliant book that I recommend anyone interested in persuasion to read called Influence. One of the six principles he lays out in that book is the principle of reciprocation.
In very simple form this principle states that if you do something for someone they feel inclined to do something back for you in return. In my experience even the illusion of doing something for someone is enough for this principle to operate. Here is what happened in the restaurant.
The Illusion of Reciprocation
At the close of the evening I felt as if I had had a great time, practised my skills and had got some great material to write about. I was happy to pay for the meal because of the amount of value that I had got. I told John and Martin that I needed to go back to my hotel and that I had had such a great time that I would pay for the meal.
Remember the duel reality I had accidentally set up? What I think they heard was a man they had just met, who couldn’t afford to go out for a drink has just generously offered to pay for their meal. They would hear nothing of it and insisted that they paid for me instead. They were also borderline aggressive in suggesting we go for drinks.
As it was they paid and we went back to my hotel where I had to let them buy me a nightcap. They then went off for a night out and I could retire to start writing my notes for these articles. A preframe and the principle of reciprocation all accidentally put into place created a powerful motivator for the pair of them to pay for my meal and buy me drinks.
For a fuller discussion on how to set preframes (deliberately) consider investing in the Advanced Persuasion Patterns Programme.
Next Post How to Set Yourself Up to Fail
In the next post in this field report I will tell you about the night after when I set out to replicate these adventures and managed set myself up to fail spectacularly.
Finally to John and Martin (you know who you really are) thanks for the evening, joining my web community and I hope these few posts are enough recompense for allowing me to play and practise my skills. The next curry and beer night is definitely on me.