You will find lots written about rapport all over the internet. As such the main body of this report is all about how to really create great rapport quickly and easily. We will talk about how many NLP Practitioners get it wrong, the key ingredients to get it right. This is an extract from The Persuasion Skills Black Book which develops some of these themes into a specific process to take covert control of a conversation.
First, let us define rapport and discuss how so many NLPers get it so wrong. For fuller discussion on the standard view of rapport just type the word into a search engine. You will find a lot written and I would rather cover different ground. For our purpose it is just a method for increasing the responsiveness of your subject. This often involves some sort of liking or mutual respect but doesn’t have to.
As this is about influence and persuasion we don’t just want to build rapport but also to take control and lead the conversation to where you want it to go.
We don’t just want to build rapport but also to take control and lead the conversation Click to tweet
Standard NLP Rapport Process
The standard NLP approach is all about matching and mirroring body language, breathing, words and anything else your subject lets you. The basic idea being that people like people that are like themselves. This happens on an unconscious level and by matching or mirroring a subject you gain this rapport. At a foundation level this works, but there are several issues with it.
Matching and mirroring is a rapport indicator, not a rapport maker.
This is supposed to happen on an unconscious level.
You are not leading your subject; in fact, you are spending all your attention just pacing them.
Whilst you are doing all of this aren’t you supposed to be in a conversation as well?
I love meeting new NLP practitioners because I tilt my head at odd angles, scratch myself in private and delicate areas and develop strange facial twitches whilst watching them desperately trying to mechanically match and mirror my body language. As you get move practised you can get them to fall off chairs by leaning and hyperventilate through constantly changing your breathing patterns.
A good NLP training course will show you a number of great rapport techniques that really work and you can use in any situation. For this report we will focus on an easy foundation concept that will work almost anywhere and any situation and The Persuasion Skills Black Book will give you a specific process that lets you covertly take charge in specific one to one circumstances.
Rapport in One Easy Step
The quickest, easiest and simplest way to gain rapport is to assume you have it already. In most situations this works perfectly. If you imagine the person you are talking to is a very dear and close friend; the way you speak, your body language and your attitude towards them is subtly different from normal. On an unconscious level you will be sending signals that the subject will respond to and you will be leading them into feelings of familiarity and responsiveness.
Of course we can build rapport techniques that have a lot more sophistication and allow you to, for example:
- Covertly change your subjects emotions
- Build rapport with groups
- Implant suggestions
And a huge range of other things but they all start with the same basic premise of assuming you already have rapport.
If you want to understand how to gain very powerful levels of rapport in the context of job interviews have a look at The Persuasion Skills Black Book of Job Hunting Techniques.
In the next section, we will talk about a specific process that covertly lets you take complete control of a conversation and is ideal for situations such as job interviews, sales or networking.
Covert Conversation Control
In the Persuasion Skills Black Book I take you through a specific technique that allows you to take control of a conversation whilst increasing the subject’s responsiveness and creating feelings of warmth, familiarity and friendliness. It works great in most situations but has a special effect with people you are meeting for the first time. I explain it in the context of a job interview because it is the perfect situation for this technique. You can then adapt the process for any situation you care to choose.
Once you have covertly taken control of the situation and the conversation and have built rapport on a deep level you can use your hypnotic language, influencing processes and all the good stuff you will learn in The Persuasion Skills Black Book. You will find other articles on the website that will give you an idea as to where you can now take this.
Specific versions of many powerful techniques geared towards interview situations can be found in the Persuasion Skills Black Book of Jog Hunting Techniques. This would include taking covert control through rapport. There are even stronger, more powerful and sophisticated techniques for building rapport and gain unconscious control of a conversation. All of which you will learn on any good NLP course. But I have taught this process to many job candidates and whilst it doesn’t always guarantee a good interview I have yet to find anyone saying it did not make a significant difference.