In the last post we started examining a process that had been detailed by Marcus as a way to read people. I am going to suggest that by knowing what is going on inside people you are at the gateway to rapport.
Rapport Building without Matching and Mirroring
What you do with the information will determine how much rapport you get, but this is the start.
Developing a Rapport Building Process
Let’s have a look at the key points of that process again:
- get into 360 expanded awareness
- mentally take on their physiology
- put their head on his shoulders
- don’t judge what experience you get just feel what they feel
In the last post we discussed the whole 360 expanded awareness. In this post we will look at the other three points.
Physiology and what it tells you
Grossly over simplifying, here are a couple of assumptions that I make about the world. Whatever I am thinking and feeling on the inside will show on the outside. We are talking about your mind and body being connected and therefore your thoughts show in your body language. My assumption also works both ways i.e. the body language you choose to have will impact the way you are thinking.
I know these presuppositions are basically true through personal experience and observation. A few experiments with yourself and some observations of other people will confirm this for yourself.
The second presupposition I am making is that we are all built basically in the same way. Using these two operating presuppositions if I focus on “taking on your physiology” and notice how my mind is working I could have a good idea of what is happening in yours as well. The key point is I don’t know what you are thinking, I just know something about your emotional state and how you are thinking.
Developing Unconscious Rapport Skills
If you think about it there are certain times, situations and people that you do this with naturally. Think about the people that you are close to and have known for a long time. You seem to know what is happening inside their minds without them saying a word. This is because you have got so used to calibrating their physiology against their emotional state. I’m sure in some circumstances you can tell what they are feeling from just a quick glance, from how they stand or from their tone of voice. The trick here is to learn to do this with anyone in any circumstance. Additionally it would be worth being able to turn the skill on to auto pilot so you don’t have to think about it.
Developing the NLP Process
Now we know what is going on. The four line process above is a good summary of what you need to do. The peripheral vision sets you up to be in a externally focussed trance state that is fully observant of the person you want to read.
You then build a mental image of the person. This is you taking notice of the details you know of the person and setting your unconscious mind to start noticing the details. When you are ready mentally jump into this image of the person and experience the world the way that they do. The last line of the process is critical, don’t try to judge the situation or second guess what is going on, just experience the world through a different set of eyes.
Doing this a few times consciously will set the process up for you to do automatically. After a while just notice the more you do this, the more you are doing it automatically.
This process is an incredibly flexible one and has all sorts of practical applications. Variations of this process can be used to build rapport with people that you have not met before as advanced preparation for a meeting for example.
I use a version of this process just for fun when reading novels or watching movies. With good characters in good plots this enhances the experience. With poorly scripted or badly realised characters it really highlights the problems.
When studying there are various forms of this exercise that I will use to, get into the mindset of an author for example; or someone that has already developed the knowledge or skills I am looking to acquire.
Whilst these things may seem a little odd, the reality is that all I am doing is going through a process that allows my unconscious mind to collect and process more data than I can consciously take in. The result of this is that you have a heighten sense of what is going on and can react to the situation even more effectively.
Find Out More
All of the ideas I have discussed here are fully explored on the Advanced Persuasion Patterns Course. On the APP I show you ways of developing each part of the process and practice the individual components as well as how to develop the skills on an unconscious level. Click through now to find out more about these advanced persuasion techniques.
Coming up next
In the next blog post we will discuss how you can put this all together in a process to get total strangers to buy you meals. I will deconstruct the process I used to get exactly that result including:
- Building massive amounts of rapport verbally and non verbally.
- Elciting values and feeding them back to generate trust.
- Time scrambling to make give you prospect the sense of always knowing you.
- Using John’s Strategic Conversation Exchange to give direction to your conversation.
- And finally getting fed by total strangers.
But if you want to get a head start learning these skills then the place to start is the Advanced Persuasion Patterns Programme.