Practical Rapport Building for Interviews

You will find lots written about rapport all over the internet. As such the main body of this report is all about how to really create great rapport quickly and easily. We will talk about how many NLP Practitioners get it wrong, the key ingredients to get it right and a specific process to take charge of a conversation. I will show you one specific technique that many of my graduates have used to get a better jobs, relationships and sales. 

What is Rapport - a Basic Explanation

First, let us define rapport and discuss how so many NLPers get it so wrong. For a more full discussion on the standard view of rapport just type the word into a search engine. You will find a lot written and I would rather cover different ground. For our purpose it is just a method for increasing the responsiveness of your subject. This often involves some sort of liking or mutual respect but doesn’t have to.

As this is about influence and persuasion we don’t just want to build rapport but also to take control and lead the conversation to where you want it to go. 

Standard NLP Rapport Process 

The standard NLP approach is all about matching and mirroring body language, breathing, words and anything else your subject lets you. The basic idea being that people like people that are like themselves. This happens on an unconscious level and by matching or mirroring a subject you gain this rapport. At a foundation level this works, but there are several issues with it.

Matching and mirroring is more a rapport indicator than a rapport maker.

This is supposed to happen on an unconscious level.

You are not leading your subject; in fact you are spending all your attention just pacing them.

Whilst you are doing all of this aren’t you supposed to be in a conversation as well?

I love meeting new NLP practitioners because I tilt my head at odd angles, scratch myself in private and delicate areas and develop strange facial twitches whilst watching them desperately trying to mechanically match and mirror my body language. As you get move practised you can get them to fall off chairs by leaning and hyperventilate through constantly changing your breathing patterns.

A good NLP practitioner training course will show you a number of great rapport techniques that really work and you can use in any situation. For this report we will focus on an easy foundation concept that will work almost anywhere and any situation and a specific process that lets you covertly take charge in specific one to one circumstances.

But this is a simplistic view. For more complete coverage of Rapport have a look at Tom and Kim’s Essential Skills. These guys do a lot about how rapport really works and I recommend their products and seminars.

Rapport in One Easy Step

The quickest, easiest and simplest way to gain rapport is to assume you have it already. In most situations this works perfectly. If you imagine the person you are talking to is a very dear and close friend; the way you speak, your body language and your attitude towards them is very subtly different from normal. On an unconscious level you will be sending signals that the subject will respond to and you will be leading them into feelings of familiarity and responsiveness.

Of course on your practitioner we will build rapport techniques that have a lot more sophistication and allow you to, for example:

• Covertly change your subjects emotions
• Build rapport with groups
• Implant suggestions

And a huge range of other things but they all start with the same basic premise of assuming you already have rapport. If you don’t have the time or money for a complete NLP Practitioner course yet, feel free to have a look at the Essential Skills web site where you can find a lot more information about rapport.

In the next section we will talk about a specific process that covertly lets you take complete control of a conversation and is ideal for situation such as job interviews, sales or networking.

Covert Conversation Control

Here is a specific technique that allows you to take control of a conversation whilst increasing the subject’s responsiveness and creating feelings of warmth, familiarity and friendliness. It works great in most situations but has a special effect with people you are meeting for the first time. I will explain it in the context of a job interview because it is the perfect situation for this technique. You can then adapt the process for any situation you care to choose.

Before I get into the guts of the process I would like you to follow a little thought experiment with me. Imagine you are walking down the street when you see an old and dear friend that you have not seen for years. Let me take you through a typical process that you might go through.

1. You look at them hesitantly not sure it is really them.
2. You make eye contact as you realise it is them.
3. You slowly grow a smile across your face as you start thinking about good memories you have shared and how good it is to see them.
4. At the same time you will start feeling good inside, just notice that the feeling starts small and takes time to grow in intensity.
5. You will then step forward confidently, with your hand out to shake hands warmly.

This might not be exactly what you would do, but it should have similarities and this is what I would like you to do when meeting someone for the first time.

Here is what is happening and why this is a good way of meeting people. By reacting to people as it they are a close friend you set up your unconscious signals in a way that radiates warmth, confidence (you are confident when you are with your friends) and familiarity. Outside of their conscious awareness, this is what the other person will pick up on and react to.

I pointed out being hesitant at the beginning, slowly smiling and the feeling starting and growing. This is because people notice things changing much more than a static device. Simply, you would notice someone much more if they started from a neutral expression to smiling than if they were just smiling or just neutral. Also this sequence of events is taking you, and them, from neutral to liking. In NLP jargon it is pacing and leading them.

The smile and putting your hand out to shake has other benefits as well. We are socialised to smile at each other and to shake hands when one is offered. What has happened here is you have made a gesture and they have responded by smiling and shaking your hand. In simple terms you have asked than to do something and they have done it. You have covertly taken control of the situation and the conversation and have built rapport on a deep level. From here you can use your hypnotic language, influencing processes and all the good stuff you will learn on your practitioner course to great effect. You will find other articles on the website that will give you an idea as to where you can now take this.

Obviously there are stronger, more powerful and sophisticated techniques for building rapport and gain unconscious control of a conversation. All of which you will learn on any good practitioner course or through the Essential Skills website. But I have taught this process to many job candidates and whilst it doesn’t always guarantee a good interview I have yet to find anyone saying it did not make a significant difference.

Now for those of you that are not in the job hunting market, let me know how many different environments and situations you have already found to use this process with.

Feel free to contact my office by phone or email if you have further ideas, thoughts or questions based on this article.

Posted: 11|12|07 at 7:36 pm. Filed under: NLP Business, Persuasion and Influence, Rapport. New here? Follow this entry via RSS 2.0. Comment | Trackback

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