Using NLP Language Patterns in a Relationship

In part one of this mini series we saw Rina’s email about the scripts she has thought through to use on her husband. In this post we will look at some of those scripts to see how well they work.

All of the short language pattern bits Rina has written work really well, so we are going to look at some of the longer scripts she has worked out and see what we can do with them.

Rapport, Pacing and Leading with Language

Here is one of Rina’s patterns:

We didn’t clean up, but we ate, did homework, took bath and are eager to play with you, and how good are you going to feel to play clean up with us?

Notice how she states the problem then uses a “but” to delete it and look at the good and follows up with a question that leads to thinking about the future and feeling good about it. This is excellent work.

Now here is how you can make it work even better. We could pace the situation more strongly at the beginning. This would make leading him easier. Here is how I would do it:

You are home, you are upset and we haven’t cleaned up…but we have eaten, done our homework, taken a bath and are now eager to play with you…

One the Persuasion Skills Black Book Master Training Programme you will learn how to use three pacing and leading statements and deletion statements to move the conversation to where you want it to go.

We also know that the husband wants to relax when he comes home, so we can use that as a driver to help the flow of the conversation. Here is how it would look:

You are home, upset and we haven’t cleaned up…but we have eaten, done the homework taken a bath and are now eager to help you relax and play together…

NLP Questions to Set Direction

Rina asked a great question at the end of the statement to set a train of thought and it works well. An alternative might be to ask a comparison question that is also a double bind.

For those of you that are not NLP Jargon Junkies a double bind is just a question with an either or option that both lead to where you want the person to go. An example would be do you want to buy a white or a black one? This questions leaves out the possibility of any other colour or not buying at all.

In Rina’s context the question I might ask would be:

Would you relax more by having a wash before or just by coming and playing with us now?

This question presupposes that he will relax and it also excludes the option of not playing.

So to finish here are Rina’s original statement and a new version based on our discussions above so you can compare them:

 We didn’t clean up, but we ate, did homework, took bath and are eager to play with you, and how good are you going to feel to play clean up with us?

You are home, upset and we haven’t cleaned up…but we have eaten, done the homework taken a bath and are now eager to help you relax and play together… Would you relax more by having a wash before or just by coming and playing with us now?

On the Persuasion Skills Black Book Master Training Programme you will not only learn how to create great patterns like Rina’s but also how to analyse them and continually improve how you are developing your persuasive techniques.

Posted: 06|29|09 at 5:10 pm. Filed under: Hypnotic Language Patterns, NLP Case Studies, Persuasion Skills Examples, Persuasion and Influence. New here? Follow this entry via RSS 2.0. Comment | Trackback

Other related posts that may interest you...

• Sales Success with NLP Persuasion Techniques
• Using Values Elicitation as a Persuasive Technique
• Developing Persuasive Questions for the Telephone
• More Thoughts on Practicing Persuasive Techniques
• Using your But to Embed Commands
• Questions to Build Rapport and Lead to Results
• Persuasion Skills for Parenting
• Why Building Rapport is not always good idea
• Attitude and Persuasion Techniques
• Persuasion Skills Reviews
• Persuasive Techniques using a Well Formed But
• Persuasive Techniques for Training
• How to Practice NLP Persuasive Techniques
• Hypnosis Downloads to Build Persuasion Skills
• Motivation for 2009, Why Bother?
• New NLP Persuasive Techniques Video Uploaded
• NLP Language Pattern Audio
• NLP Persuasion Skills on facebook
• Relationships and Persuasion Techniques Part Four
• NLP Persuasion Skills and Relationships Pt One of Four
• Persuasion Skills Video Part Three
• Business Applications of NLP Persuasion Techniques
• Part Two, Persuasion Techniques Training Video
• Written Persuasion Techniques in Action
• Free Persuasion Skills Competition
• More thoughts on NLP Persuasion Techniques – The Redefine
• Persuasive Techniques Training on Video
• NLP Persuasive Techniques for Training
• NLP Persuasive Techniques and Telephone Calls
• The Real Secret to Advanced Persuasion Skills
• Training for Unconscious Persuasion Skills
• Finding Opportunities to Use Persuasion Techniques
• More Feedback on the Persuasion Skills Black Book
• Practicing Persuasion Techniques
• Hypnotic Persuasion Skills in The Black Book
• Persuasion Techniques to Deflect Rejections
• Persuasion Techniques Feedback
• Using NLP Persuasion Techniques for Good
• The Persuasion Skills Black Book
• How to get a Debt from an Ex Paid
• Advanced Persuasion Techniques to Manage Your Boss
• Practicing Advanced Persuasion Skills
• Advanced Persuasion Skills for Presentations
• The Results of Advanced Persuasion Techniques
• Persuasion Techniques, Attitude is Everything
• How to Use Questions as a Persuasive Technique
• Persuasion Skills Black Book Review
• Rapport Building using Non Verbal Pattern Interrupts
• More Uses of Hypnotic Language Patterns
• Hypnotic Persuasion, How do you learn to use it quickly?
• Dark Side Patterns, Belief Destroyer
• Hypnotic Persuasion Skills, Binding Thoughts and Sealing Commitment
• Hypnotic Persuasion Skills Tactics for Sales
• Getting Confident in Using Hypnotic Language Patterns
• NLP Techniques, The Danger of Pattern Interrupts
• How to Using Spatial Anchors in Persuasion Skills
• NLP Techniques for Fun and Profit
• Confidence in Using Hypnotic Language Patterns
• Persuasion Skills on Steroids, How to Practice
• Accelerated Learning, Breaking the Beliefs
• Why Practice Doesn’t Always Make Perfect
• More Hypnotic Language Patterns
• Six Key Points You Need to Know About Rapport
• Dangerous Hypnotic Persuasion Patterns
• Motivation and NLP Persuasive Techniques
• How to Use Metaphor as a Persuasion Technique
• Hypnotic Persuasion Skills for Job Hunting
• Covert Hypnosis, 3 trance phrases and how to use them
• 6 Reasons Why Stories Are A Powerful Persuasion Technique
• 7 Reasons You Must Learn Embedded Commands
• Frying the Brains of Managers using NLP
• Installing Outrageous Beliefs Using NLP Language Patterns
• Use NLP Persuasive Techniques to Install Beliefs and Behaviours
• NLP Persuasion Skills Field Report Dealing with Failure
• NLP Persuasion Skills and Preframes
• Persuasion Techniques Field Report Pt2
• Persuasion Skills Curry Adventures Field Report Pt1
• Laugh out Loud NLP Language Patterns Example
• NLP Persuasion Skills in Blackpool
• Advanced Persuasion Techniques in Sales
• A Beginner’s Guide to Advanced Language Patterns
• NLP Persuasion Techniques for Lunch
• Creating Models using NLP Techniques
• The Real Secret to NLP Mastery
• Building Rapport is not an Answer
• NLP Rapport Building and Sensory Acuity Part Two
• NLP Rapport Building and Sensory Acuity Part One
• Building Rapport – Field Report
• Building Rapport for Networking
• NLP Business Applications - Persuasion Tactics
• Building Rapport – NLP Essential Skills
• Using NLP Hypnotic Language Patterns